How to Make Friends With a Stepdaughter

Making friends with your stepdaughter might seem like a trying or even impossible undertaking. But you're not alone -- conflict and problems with bonding are normal parts of the adjustment process for many stepfamilies, says the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. If you feel like you and your stepdaughter are perpetually at odds or you think developing a relationship with your stepdaughter is an exercise in futility, don't give up hope. By changing your tactics and being patient, you can make friends with your stepdaughter -- or at least take steps toward improving your relationship.

Instructions

    • 1

      Change your expectations of your relationship with your stepdaughter. If you enter the situation expecting that you and your stepdaughter will instantly become the best of friends, you may be setting yourself up for disappointment. Don't be put off if your stepdaughter seems cold or distant, especially in the beginning. She needs time to adjust to a different family dynamic and might have trouble accepting you as a new member of the family. You may need to put in a lot of energy, time and love before your efforts will be returned, according to Helpguide.org.

    • 2

      Seek common ground and find areas of shared interests. A mutual interest, such as a hobby or sport, can be one of the easiest ways of bonding with a stepchild, say mental health counselor Erin Monroe and psychologist Irene Levine in their book, "The Everything Guide to Stepparenting." Learn about your stepdaughter's favorite hobbies and ask her to tell you more about her interests.

    • 3

      Listen to your stepdaughter's feelings and concerns. Display an attitude of interest and nonjudgment when she decides to open up to you. Try to see the situation from her perspective. Developing an open environment where she feels safe and heard can strengthen the bond between you and your stepdaughter.

    • 4

      Offer to drive her to a place where she needs to go, suggest Monroe and Levine. Driving her to her friend's house, to the mall or to school on a rainy day can be more valuable than words, especially to a teenager. The car provides a neutral setting where she doesn't have to talk about her feelings or problems -- you can simply be together and enjoy the ride.

    • 5

      Display compassion and patience when she rejects you. You'll almost inevitably hear something such as "You're not my real mom (or dad)" at some point in your relationship. In an article for WebMD, marriage and family therapist Christina Steinorth advises acknowledging your stepdaughter's feelings and saying "You're right, I'm not. But that doesn't mean I don't love or care about you." Don't take her rejections personally and remember that she is trying to cope with the situation in the best way she can.

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