How to Win Over Children as a Stepmother

As a stepmother, winning over your stepchildren might seem like a daunting task. Your stepchildren may demonstrate feelings of resentment, hostility and anger, or they might outright reject you and avoid contact altogether. Stepchildren may also react differently to you based on their ages. For example, younger children under the age of 10 may have an easier time accepting you, while adolescents may experience more difficulty with the idea a stepmother. But don't give up hope -- by demonstrating patience and giving the process adequate time, you can win over your stepchildren.

Instructions

    • 1

      Anticipate resistance, advises the National Healthy Marriage Resource Center. If you enter the situation with high expectations, thinking that your stepchildren will instantly open up and accept you, you may be setting yourself up for pain and rejection. Realize that it's normal for your stepchildren to resist your efforts to bond. They may feel like you're trying to take their biological mother's place. This doesn't mean they hate you -- it just means you need to give them time to get to know you and to adjust to their new situation.

    • 2

      Leave issues of discipline to your partner, at least at the beginning. View your role as more of a counselor and friend than as a disciplinarian. If you try to step in to the role of disciplinarian too soon, your stepchildren may end up feeling more resentment, and you may compromise your efforts to win them over. Although discipline should mainly come from the biological parent, you can gradually assume more responsibility over time.

    • 3

      Follow your stepchildren's pace. Some children engage strangers easily and open up quickly, while others may prefer to keep their distance and will want to first carefully assess the situation. Although you might feel enthusiastic about developing bonds with your stepchildren, remember that forcing relationships may only cause your efforts to backfire.

    • 4

      Spend quality time together doing something fun and enjoyable. The National Healthy Marriage Resource Center suggests recreational activities, family outings and games as some helpful ideas for breaking the ice. Ask for your stepchildren's input -- inquire about their favorite games and activities and see what they would like to do.

    • 5

      Listen to your stepchildren and validate their feelings. Regardless of their ages, children want you to hear and appreciate them. Don't downplay their emotions -- instead, tell them you hear what they are saying. Let them know you are glad they felt comfortable enough to share their feelings with you.

    • 6

      Praise your stepchildren's accomplishments. All children enjoy hearing praise and want to feel appreciated for their efforts. But don't go overboard -- you may run the risk of them thinking you're phony.

    2. Previous:

    Next:

    • How to Become a Good Stepmother
      If being a mother is the toughest job in the world, then being a stepmother is a close second. Its never easy to step in and fill a mothers role. Becoming a good stepmother takes patience and practice. There are the usual speed bumps along the way. B
    • Can a step father put the kids on insurance?
      Whether a stepfather can put children on his insurance depends on several factors, including:Legal Status:* Adoption: If the stepfather has adopted the children, he is legally their parent and can typically add them to his insurance.* Guardianship: I
    • How to Deal With a Jealous Stepmother
      According to CNN, stepmothers may have one of the hardest jobs in the world. What may be harder is being the victim of a jealous stepmother. Whether consciously or inadvertently, wicked stepmothers may cause friction or build barriers between childre