How Do Parents Deal With Their Kid's Crushes?

Children can experience their first crush at a surprisingly young age, perhaps younger than parents are really comfortable with. While it might be tempting to make light of the whole thing, it's more important to send the message that you are available and approachable about the matter.

  1. Understanding Infatuation

    • Kids can become infatuated because their crush has qualities they admire or wish they had, such as being popular or good at sports. However, there may be more to a crush than simple admiration. According to a 2011 article in "Psychology Today," infatuation can be related to a phenomenon called "implicit memories." An implicit memory is a feeling associated, for example, with an early caregiver's facial expression or way of talking. Because the child has associated such things with a feeling of being loved and cared for, your child when older might respond very strongly to someone who presents similar mannerisms.

    Take It Seriously

    • An infatuation creates powerful feelings. If you want your child to open up about a crush, you need to consider such feelings seriously. Don't make belittling comments or suggest that your child is too young to have a serious emotion. A crush in childhood might not last very long, but it is an intense experience and can cause both joy and sadness just as crushes do in teens and adults.

    Encourage Openness

    • Every kid is different and not all kids fall into the typical behaviors expected for their gender. However, some boys may be less open about their feelings of infatuation while some girls might be more eager to talk about their crushes. Boys might be worried about getting teased for having such feelings. With boys or girls, you can send the message that you are available to talk by discreetly bringing up the topic. Try to avoid embarrassing your child, but make it clear that you are there. If you make yourself approachable, you have a better chance of keeping the lines of communication open into the teenage years.

    Set Boundaries

    • If your child wants to spend time with a crush, it's important to set boundaries to prevent problems before they happen. Don't make the mistake of assuming your child is too young to experiment inappropriately with another child. Set up chaperoned activities such as a pizza party or a trip to the bowling alley. If your child's crush comes over for a visit, make sure the door to your child's room remains open during that time. Give them the chance to spend time together and get to know each other, but set up the interaction so you can keep an eye on them. It's also a good idea to get to know the other kid's parents and to pay attention to your child's social media activities.

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