How to Get Along With Grown Children
When a child enters society, he̵7;s supposed to become an adult. After all, that̵7;s the definition of a growing up. Yet the real world works differently: Grown children, whether 18 or 25, certainly don̵7;t seem like adults, not in the way they act, speak or think. While you might have held an expectation that your child would quickly mature after leaving the house, you likely have found that getting along with him now is harder than it was when he was in the house. But understanding why your grown child acts as he does will help you develop better interaction methods, which can help you stabilize your relationship with him.
Instructions
Realize that your grown child̵7;s brain has not fully developed. Avoid being tricked by his adult body; he̵7;s not entirely capable of making informed decisions or regulating his actions. In fact, according to Mentor International, your child̵7;s prefrontal cortex will not be fully developed until the mid-to-late 20s. As the prefrontal cortex plays the main role in logical thinking and emotional regulation, you should not be surprised when you find your supposedly grownup child doing highly immature things. Understand that this is natural and that your child is still maturing. Drive her toward true maturity. Find opportunities to engage your child in joint decision-making processes. If you must, give her an incentive to allow you to be part of the decision. For example, if your daughter is thinking about moving to Syria to become a freelance journalist, ask her if she wouldn̵7;t mind discussing the decision with you so that you might offer your support. During the discussion, you can help her weigh the pros and cons, while putting your incentive on the more reasonable option, such as by offering to pay part of her tuition for a course in journalism here in her home country. Be the relationship leader. Act first, especially if you find yourself in a stalemate with your teen. Avoid using the same immature tactics he uses, taking the mature and considerate way instead. For example, if your son has decided not to talk to you or you find yourself in constant arguments with him, address the issue directly. If you don̵7;t, neither will he in most cases. Lead your relationship through tough times by working out its kinks. Though a parent-child relationship is a cooperative endeavor, you are usually the one who can pick out where the problems lie and how to address those problems. Exhibit tolerance. Be patient with your child̵7;s newfound use of freedom. Upon leaving home, your grown child will likely cross the boundaries that you set for her while she was living in the house. She might get a tattoo, begin dating less-than-ideal men or take up base-jumping as a hobby. But as long as she̵7;s not harming herself or her future, your admonitions will be more likely to push her away from you than bring her back to you. Show her that you understand she is free to make her own decisions now but that you̵7;re still there for her, if she should need you. As the organization A Change in Thinking points out in its article ̶0;Redefining Your Relationship with Your Teenager,̶1; giving your child second chances and demonstrating your patience with her slip-ups allows her to reconsider her actions, which could lead to a change in her attitude and therefore actions.
