Reconnecting With Children After a Deployment

Deployment is difficult for everyone ̵1; the service person and the family left behind. When children experience the difficulties of separation, the reunion after the deployment ends can also have challenges. Reconnecting with children should help ease the transition and help institute a sense of normalcy and routine once again.

  1. Common Emotions

    • After a service person returns, children usually experience a range of emotions. These feelings include happiness, excitement, worry, anxiety, anger and fear. Children usually want to reconnect with the service person, but they may not know how to proceed and they may feel confused. Children under age 3 may feel uncomfortable around the returning service person, because he or she may be unfamiliar to them, according to the Defense Centers of Excellence website. Children between ages of 4 and 12 may be clingy, needing extra reassurance. Teenagers may seem distant due to feelings of abandonment.

    Patience

    • Patience and understanding are important as you strive to reconnect with your children and reintegrate back into the family, advises publication ̶0;Veteran Parents with School-Age Children,̶1; published by the University of Oklahoma Health Sciences Center. Children may act out with behavioral problems and aggression as they struggle with their emotions. Give children time and space to reconnect with you ̵1; they may not feel comfortable immediately. Resist the urge to force yourself and allow your children to lead the reconnection as they feel more secure and comfortable.

    Quality Time

    • Spend as much time with your children as possible to begin rebuilding and reconnecting with them. Learn about events that occurred and activities your children engaged in while you were gone by asking questions, suggests the ̶0;Families with Kids̶1; booklet published by the After Deployment website. Listen actively, maintaining eye contact to show that you are interested in what your children share with you. Make dates to spend time with children individually to enhance the reconnection.

    Possible Difficulties

    • Service persons may experience emotional difficulties that interfere with their reconnection with loved ones after deployment, warns the Defense Centers of Excellence website. Anxiety, concentration problems, the desire to withdraw and alcohol abuse are situations that may require professional help.

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