Out-of-Control Behavior From Toddlers to Five-Year-Olds

Developmental Stages

• Tempter tantrums occur most frequently between the ages of 1 1/2 and 4. At 1 1/2 to 2 years, children test their limits. Toddlers at this age cannot understand other points of view and want complete self-control in spite of their limitations. When faced with their limits, toddlers fuss, cry and even hit. By age 3, most kids learn to use language better, causing their tantrums to lessen in severity. Tantrums reduce in frequency and severity through ages 4 and 5, but may still occur when kids face new, difficult situations.

General Tantrum Tips

• When a young child enters into a tantrum, remain calm. Avoid arguing, but never give into the tantrum. If a child's tantrum escalates and he no longer listens to you, put him in a time-out. If, however, a child's tantrum escalates further and the child poses a physical threat to himself or anyone else, attempt to calm him by holding him tightly and saying you will only let go once he calms down. Try to remain patient, as this process may take time before the child responds and calms down enough for you to talk with him.

Teaching Self-Control

• The best way to solve out-of-control behavior is to prevent it. Try teaching your child self-control. Children under age 2 get frustrated easily, but you can often distract them easily, too. Once a child shows the beginning signs of a tantrum, distract her with a toy or activity. At age 2, introduce the time-out using a brief, specific time limit. From ages 3 to 5, use time-outs more frequently, but end them once the child calms down to show her that good behavior leads to a less harsh punishment. This helps build the child's sense of self-control, since she has some control over how long her punishment lasts.

Negative and Positive Consequences

• Use both positive and negative consequences. Praise the child's behavior when he follows your directions. Introduce motivators. Motivators include little rewards, like, "If you go to bed now, I will read your favorite story." Never use motivators to calm a child during a tantrum, however, since that child may still associate the motivator with his tantrum instead of his good behavior. Negative consequences, like time-outs and the withdrawal of privileges, also help shape future behavior. Withdrawing privileges includes the removal of everyday treats, like, "If you pinch your sister again, you must stay away from her until after dinner."

When All Else Fails

• If a child's tantrums increase in intensity or frequency, consult a doctor, especially if the tantrums often present a serious threat to your child or others. Your doctor should check for physical causes behind the misbehavior and tell you if you should seek help from a mental-health specialist.