Appropriate Expectations for Toddlers

The transition from infancy to toddlerhood can be just as challenging for parents as it is for children. Though it isn't possible to spoil your infant, you can spoil your toddler. You just have to figure out how to avoid that and still treat him appropriately. The key is to have realistic expectations. You don't want to put your toddler in time-out for not being to sit through a two-hour dinner, for example, but you need to recognize situations that call for a bit of discipline.

  1. Exploration

    • Toddlers learn by doing, not listening: they need to be active and have the opportunity to explore their environment. This is why taking them to the grocery store or anywhere they can't roam freely can be frustrating for both of you. Make sure to childproof your home so that your toddler can explore at least one room independently, without your having to follow her and distract her from breakable objects, stairs and other dangers. When you are somewhere that she can't explore independently, have a plan in place to keep her occupied. She might be content if parents take turns letting her walk with them through the grocery store or mall, instead of remaining cooped up in a cart or stroller. Expect that any occasion where she has to spend a lot of time in a stroller or car seat may be difficult for your toddler.

    Tantrums

    • The American Academy of Pediatrics assures you that temper tantrums are a normal part of toddler development, but "normal" is not the same as "easy." It can be challenging dealing with toddler meltdowns, especially if they are frequent. Giving in to tantrums can make them more frequent, says the AAP. Remain calm, distract your toddler and give her a time-out. You can also try sticking to a daily routine so that your toddler doesn't get too tired, hungry or overwhelmed, suggests the MayoClinic.com. Toddlers can't be expected to handle eating lunch two hours later than usual or skipping their afternoon nap without having a tantrum or two.

    Independence

    • Now that toddlers understand that they are separate from you, they are eager to be independent. Give your toddler opportunities to do things autonomously so that she gets the chance to feel like a big girl. Starting at about 18 months, she can drink from a cup, feed herself with a spoon and start undressing herself. It may not be the fastest way to do things, but it can prevent some tantrums. You can also give her choices as often as possible -- such as letting her pick between two shirts to wear or two fruits for breakfast -- to help her feel more independent.

    Forgetting the Rules

    • Your toddler may be talking a blue streak and putting on her own shoes, but she's not a preschooler yet. You can't expect her to fully understand the consequences of her actions, have the self-control to stop repeating an unacceptable behavior, be able to remember the rules you have set (long-term) or know the difference between appropriate and inappropriate behavior. You'll need to patiently remind her how to act; try to view her misbehavior as a chance to teach her self-control.

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