How to Live With Difficult Teenage Step Children
These days it is not uncommon for one out of every two marriages to end in divorce. This creates many different kinds of broken family units. When remarriage of one parent occurs, young or teenage children often are involved. It can be a difficult and challenging task to try to blend stepchildren into a successful family unit. There are many guidelines to help ease this transition and create a happy, organized family home for the adults and children involved in these relationships.
Instructions
Go into the marriage with your eyes open to the challenges ahead. Even if you have bonded with the children prior to your marriage, there will still be trying times in the very best of families and situations. Growing up and becoming an adult is difficult and teenagers will try the sanity of all parents even under the best of conditions. Discuss with your spouse exactly what will be expected in the parenting role. It is generally considered better if the biological parent handles the disciplining of the children, particularly in the beginning, according to Beverly Bliss, a clinical psychologist in Madison, Wisconsin. Tell the children that your goal is to be close to them, to nurture and care for them and to be available during all of their lives, during the good and bad times. Point out to them that disagreements will contribute to everyone̵7;s unhappiness, not just yours, and that your goal is to be a happy family unit, but never to undermine their biological parent̵7;s place in their lives. Realize that even though the stepchildren may care about you and even really like you, they may have a guilt complex about this. They often feel they cannot love two different people in the role of mother or father at the same time. They may feel they are betraying their biological parent if they start to bond with you. If your spouse is a widow, that situation can even compound the problem further. This guilt feeling is apparent even if the natural mother or father is a bad parent. Discuss with the children that you are not under any circumstances trying to step in and be a substitute for their real parent, make it plain that you will have a parental role, but that doesn't mean you don't want them to have a fulfilling and ongoing relationship with their biological parent. You can fulfill a vital role in their lives by being a mentor, counselor and friend or eventually have a place in their hearts as another parent, but never force the issue. These relationships are forged by sharing life experiences and time is glue that will finally help to form a cohesive relationship. Tell the children the house rules; discuss what exactly you both expect from them, whether it be respect for each other, household chores, allowances or who makes final decisions. Never stray from these expectations. Back each other up; you may feel the need to take sides, but it is important the parent and stepparent show a united front. Communication is essential because children like structure, organization and consistency. This will help them feel secure and give them self-esteem. No matter how disorganized their lives may be when they visit their other biological parent, knowing that in your house the rules are consistently followed will give them security and over time create peace in the family unit.
