How to Make Friends With a Step-Son

Building a relationship with a stepson might seem like a daunting task. Depending on your stepson's age, personality and life experiences, he may readily accept you as a member of the family or outright reject your attempts to become his friend. According to Help Guide, younger children may have an easier time accepting a stepparent than older children, who often have a more difficult time expressing their feelings and might need more time to bond. But in many cases, you can befriend your stepson and build a meaningful, trusting relationship by putting in a bit of effort and remaining patient and compassionate.

Instructions

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      Give your relationship time to develop and grow, advises guidance counselor Louise Hajjar Diamond in an article for FamilyTLC. Don't force your friendship on your stepson or go overboard in your attempts to bond. Your stepson may only feel that you're being phony and he might pull away instead of moving closer to you.

    • 2

      Ask questions about his interests. According to stepfamily and parenting experts Carri and Gordon Taylor in an article for Empowering Parents, becoming friends with a stepchild should start off like any other friendship -- discovering "common ground." This helps open the lines of communication and gives you a chance to connect. Find out what sports teams he follows, ask him about his favorite music or discuss his hobbies. Show enthusiasm for the things he enjoys.

    • 3

      Listen to him if he decides to open up to you. Be available and willing to talk about anything that might be on his mind. This shows him that you are invested in the relationship and that you want to get to know him on a deeper level.

    • 4

      Portray yourself as a loving relative, not a replacement parent, advises Diamond. Stepchildren may feel threatened by stepparents who try to step in and take the place of their biological parent. Let your stepson know that you are not trying to take his parent's place. Leave issues of discipline to your partner.

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      Spend one-on-one time together with your stepson, suggests Stephen F. Duncan, professor at the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University. By spending alone time together, you avoid creating the sense of competition that can occur when the biological parent or other siblings are present. Arranging alone time also shows your stepson that you are interested in developing a friendship. Invite him to do something fun, such as seeing a movie or going for a drive. But don't force him to spend alone time with you if he's not ready.

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      Praise your stepson for accomplishments and achievements, recommends Help Guide. Everyone likes to hear that they've done a good job or that their efforts are appreciated. By recognizing and supporting your stepson's contributions, he feels your positive regard and you send the message that you're on his side.

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