How to Set Boundaries With Stepchildren

Becoming a stepparent might seem like one of the most difficult and challenging experiences you've ever had. When you decided to become involved with your partner, you might not have anticipated the inherent difficulties of stepparenting. While in the best of cases, your stepchildren would readily accept you and make an effort to respect your boundaries, it's often not so simple. But you can help make the transition easier if you all agree on some basic definitions of your role, says talk show host and mental health expert Dr. Phil McGraw in an article for his website. Part of defining your role involves setting healthy boundaries with your stepchildren.

Instructions

    • 1

      Discuss your role with your partner. Before you can set appropriate boundaries, you both need to agree on the role you will play within the family. Envision your role, taking into account factors like the ages of your stepchildren and their relationship with their biological parent. For example, if your stepchildren are young and their biological parent is no longer involved in their lives, it may be easier to take on the role of disciplinarian and parent. But if your stepchildren are older and still have contact with their biological parent, you may need to take a step back and give them time to adjust to the new situation before you can take on those roles, says Help Guide.

    • 2

      Allow your partner to handle issues of discipline but insist that your stepchildren treat you with respect. Don't immediately step in as a disciplinarian, advises Help Guide. In the beginning, discipline and behavior issues should be addressed by the biological parent. Instead, collaborate with your partner to address issues and concerns you may have. For example, if your stepchildren refuse to respect you, you and your partner need to address this issue by presenting a united front.

    • 3

      Inform your stepchildren of your role. Let them know you are not trying to take the place of their biological parent. Tell them they don't have to like you but they do need to learn to accept your place in the family. If they know what to expect, it may be easier for them to accept your boundaries.

    • 4

      Demonstrate empathy -- tell your stepchildren you know how difficult the situation might be at times. But also inform them that they must respect certain limits. Even though you might want to be their best friend, don't go overboard. If they feel they can walk all over you in the beginning, you'll have a much more difficult time setting healthy boundaries later on in your relationship.

    • 5

      Write down the house rules, suggests clinical psychologist Dan Williams in an article for his website, Peace and Healing. You and your partner should discuss the rules with your stepchildren and explain what you both expect of them. Writing down the rules can be a helpful way to remind everyone about the rules and limits -- and puts the entire family on the same page.

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