Parenting After a Parental Death

It can be difficult for a person to move forward after the death of a spouse. However, it can be even more challenging to cope with the responsibilities of parenting while both child and parent are grieving. The surviving parent suddenly finds herself raising her child alone. She may be overwhelmed with thoughts of financial constraints, child care and other worries. It is important to acknowledge your grief and care for yourself in order to care for your child.

  1. Accepting the New Parental Role

    • Being a single parent can be challenging under any circumstances, but when your spouse dies, your world is turned upside down. You now find yourself being a single parent and sole provider for the family. Your head may be spinning with concerns about the future, but it is important to slow down and work through your grief. Acknowledge that your spouse is gone and accept your role as a single parent. If your spouse was the source of your financial support, you will have to join the workforce. Ask family members to assist you with childcare while you make the transition.

    Work Through the Grief

    • Everyone deals with grief differently. While you must deal with your grieving child, you also have to deal with your own grief. The best way to deal with your child's grief is to let him grieve in his own way. Most children have several questions about the death of a loved one. Answer your child's questions as honestly as possible. If a child asks a question you can't answer such as, "Why did Dad have to die? " simply tell him you don't know. Explain to your child that adults don't always have all the answers. The way you discuss the death of a parent and a child's ability to understand depends on the child's age, according to KidsHealth.org. Tailor your talks to your child's maturity level and keep answers simple.

    It's Okay to Cry

    • Parents often try to be strong for their children in the face of tragedy and loss. However, it is fine to cry in front of your child. HelpGuide.org states that there is no right or wrong way to grieve and that children learn to express grief by watching adults. Grief doesn't always take the form of tears. Guilt, fear, anger and despair are all common emotions of grief. Dramatic changes in a child's behavior may develop following the loss of a parent or loved one. A youngster may become angry or depressed during the grieving process. The surviving parent also has to wrestle with her own tumultuous emotions.

    Encourage Your Child to Talk

    • It is hard to find words to comfort someone that is grieving. However, being available to listen is comforting. Encourage your child to talk about his feelings and his deceased parent. Hold him close and listen to him as he expresses his feelings. Assure him that you are always there whenever he needs to talk. Children often experience guilt in traumatic situations such as the loss of a parent. They may blame themselves for the death. Reassure your child that he is not at fault in any way. If you attend church or have certain spiritual beliefs about heaven or an afterlife, you can share those beliefs with your child as a source of comfort.

    Keep the Memories Alive

    • Children sometimes fear forgetting the deceased parent as time goes on. Help your child keep the memories alive by creating a scrapbook filled with pictures and other mementos. It can be comforting to tell him stories about your life with your spouse before your child was born, or to rehash memories of outings, holidays and events. Although it may be sad to think of those times, memories can also bring a smile to your child's face and yours.

    Keep Family Ties Close

    • Encourage interactions with grandparents, aunts, uncles and other relatives. No one will take the place of a lost parent, but other family members can help fill the void. A grandfather or uncle can help provide a fatherly figure. They can attend school functions, sporting events and other activities where Dad would normally be present. Getting other family members involved can also be beneficial to the surviving parent. Relatives can provide childcare, transportation or run errands for a single parent that is trying to get back to a normal routine.

    Make Time for Your Needs

    • The surviving parent needs to acknowledge her own need to grieve, according to NASPOnline.org. Although your child's needs must be a priority, you also need to make time for yourself. You are the only parent your child has now, so you need to care for your physical and mental health. It is important to grieve and express your feelings too. Talk to a friend or relative and ask for help if you need it. Consider grief counseling if necessary. Professional counseling can help you work through your grief and move forward with your life.

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