Top 10 Ways to Set Boundaries With Your Kids

Start Early

• Writing on DisneyFamily.com, Kelly Burgess notes that children will begin to understand right from wrong between the ages of 3 and 5 years, but that limits start when your child is still a baby and should continue from there. From the time your baby begins to reach for things she should not have, begin introducing limits by saying, "No."

Involve the Children

• To gain cooperation, involve your kids in creating the rules. Work together as a family to come up with and discuss boundaries. Get your child's input, and take the opportunity to discuss your reasoning behind certain boundaries.

Keep It Simple

• Long lists of limits and regulations become confusing and difficult to enforce. Being too fussy just creates frustration and can make a child feel like it's futile to even try to keep up, and so he may not bother trying. Writer Denise Mann, who has a graduate degree in journalism, notes on WebMD.com that it's better to set fewer rules for kids, and to be conscientious about enforcing them. Prioritize, and choose your battles.

Keep It Positive

• Married parents and psychotherapists Don and Debra Manchester MacMannis, with a doctorate in clinical psychology and masters in social welfare, respectively, recommend using positive language when telling children what you want and expect from them. For example, instead of saying, "Don't go outside without permission," say, "Always ask permission before going outside."

Communicate Clearly

• Boundaries are useless if children are unclear about what they mean or when they apply. It's important to clearly communicate to a child what is expected of him. Discuss each of the rules with children in plain language.

Make a Contract

• Make a formal commitment as a family that everyone will follow the behavioral guidelines you have all agreed upon. A physical representation reiterates the importance of that commitment. As soon as children are old enough to read and write, have them participate in signing a contract in which everyone agrees to stick to the rules.

Reinforce Regularly

• Noting your children's behavior regularly helps to reinforce the boundaries and rules. For example, say, "I noticed you put all your toys away; great job," or, "Toys need to be put away before bedtime, but I know I can rely on you to do a great job as usual." This is known as positive reinforcement and is the most effective way to bring about desired behavior.

Adjust as Necessary

• As children grow and change, their increasing maturity and independence warrant more responsibility, as well as more privileges. Some boundaries should change as your child grows so that they're always age appropriate. While rules about treating each other with respect will hold permanently, other rules, such as curfews, need to reflect the child's age and her changing needs.

Set Consequences

• It's natural for children to push and test boundaries. You need to have consequences in place when children do break the rules to reinforce the understanding that boundaries are firm and to discourage further transgressions. Without consequences, boundaries are meaningless.

Be Consistent

• Consistency is the key to effective discipline. You may think of letting kids off the hook sometimes as an attempt to be fair and understanding, but the only message it sends is that boundaries are worth pushing. They'll be more willing to gamble if they think they can beat the system. Consistency sends a clear message; kids are less likely to keep testing limits if they know the outcome will be undesirable.