How to Teach Kids to be Independent

Kids of all ages are growing, developing and reaching toward the same thing -- independence. As a parent, you can help your child find his autonomy at each stage by encouraging and supporting him as he learns new skills -- and by avoiding over-involvement and superfluous praise.

  1. Create Frameworks

    • French parents, according to author Pamela Druckerman on Huffingtonpost.com, use a mental image -- also known as a framework -- when deciding in which areas to give their children independence and how much of it to allow. The frame itself includes the areas where parents choose to be strict, but inside the frame, parents give children ̶0;as much freedom as they can handle.̶1; For instance, a child is limited on how much TV he can watch on Saturday, but he himself can choose which cartoons he watches during his allowed viewing time. All parents can use this framework idea to help them be sure they are setting necessary age-appropriate limits while offering kids choices and self-direction, which are imperative to becoming an independent person.

    Teach Skills

    • Children learn independence by being able to accomplish things on their own. No matter your child̵7;s age, help him learn new skills and then be willing to step back and let him try -- and fail if necessary -- without interference. For a younger child, break down new skills into steps, and then teach him how to do each step and allow him to practice. Older kids often thrive best when other adults step into the teaching role, ones who are less likely than Mom or Dad to hover and take over when the going gets rough, according to psychologist Michael Thompson on Parents.com. So if your teen is trying to learn a new skill, asking a trusted friend or family member to mentor him might offer him the best chance of success.

    Limit Praise

    • While it̵7;s good to praise smaller accomplishments and even effort for very young children, be careful not to over-praise kids of any age. According to Druckerman, this could result in the child yearning for the praise instead of being motivated by the possible end result, and cuts into his incentive to try when you̵7;re not around. The goal is for a child to try and master new things on his own, not for praise, but for his own enjoyment and greater personal independence.

    Expect More

    • According to researchers at the University of California, Los Angeles, in many countries, children of all ages are expected to contribute to the family in a variety of ways. This leads to more independence at an earlier age than in the United States. To encourage autonomy, give a child age-appropriate chores and responsibilities and hold him to them. Don̵7;t rush in to help or do it yourself just because it might be faster or will get done in a certain way. Also, Parents.com suggests you allow your child to ̶0;take ownership of the challenge̶1; before him, having him brainstorm possible solutions and only offering assistance or suggestions as needed.

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