Reasons Not to Use the Word Stupid

According to Carole Banks, M.S.W., individual and family therapist, and parental support line advisor for Empowering Parents, the psychological hold you have over your children is powerful. What this means is anything you say to your child has a much greater impact than you might think. While you might have the power to forget a hurtful comment, your kids take the words you say to them and hold on tightly. This, above all else, might be the most important reason you should remove the word ̶0;stupid̶1; from your vocabulary.

  1. Stupid Is Dangerous

    • One of the reasons some parents feel that using the word ̶0;stupid̶1; isn̵7;t a big deal is because it isn̵7;t vulgar, such as a number of other curse words. However, according to Jeffrey D. Murrah, licensed marriage and family therapist, and a counselor in Pasadena, California, this makes it even more dangerous. For example, when your child is acting up and you say to her, ̶0;Why are you acting so stupid?̶1; you might think that your words aren̵7;t damaging, but your child hears something different. Your child hears that you are calling her stupid and that will stick with her.

    It Causes Pain

    • The word ̶0;stupid̶1; might seem a lot more harmless than a slap across the face, but according to Kids Health, calling your child, or something she does, ̶0;stupid̶1; can have just as much of a negative effect on her as hitting her. Essentially, your child will begin to believe that you, her parent, feel that she is worthless and undeserving of your love. You can think her actions are stupid all you want -- she̵7;s a kid and stupid behavior is bound to happen -- but make sure the words you speak to her are always encouraging and kind, even when you discipline her.

    It̵7;s Shameful

    • According to Banks, describing your child with a negative attribute such as ̶0;stupid̶1; can make him feel ashamed of himself. Rather than teaching him a lesson or making him think twice before he makes the same mistake again, calling him stupid can cause him to withdraw from you and retreat into a place where he begins to think he really is stupid. This can cause him to make even worse decisions in the future because he may not believe himself smart enough to make better decisions. And he feels less safe asking you for advice.

    It Damages Self-Esteem

    • According to the Ask Dr. Sears website, you are the person who has the biggest role in shaping your child̵7;s self-esteem. The words you use to describe your child are the words he uses to identify himself. If you call your child or his actions ̶0;stupid̶1; you are teaching him that he is stupid. Thinking that he is stupid is not going to build his self-esteem.

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