The Effects of a Marriage Separation on Children

The dissolution of a marriage can be a traumatic event for children. Kids are often not able to understand the hard truths of ending a relationship and can experience vast difficulty in comprehending what is occurring with their parents. Divorce has long-lasting effects on kids, even if the divorce is relatively cordial. Understanding what may happen to your kids and how they will react to your separation is critical in helping them deal with the situation.

  1. Anger

    • Many kids react with anger to news of a divorce. They experience a welling of emotions that they cannot completely understand or process, and it often manifests in violent or disruptive ways. Children experiencing a parental separation may be more argumentative than normal and could be disruptive at school. They are usually more sensitive to insults or other typical school play and are quick to react if they feel threatened.

    Fear

    • There are many aspects of a marriage separation that cause children to experience fear. Kids are often concerned about whether they will still see both of their parents, and it is important to help them understand that they will still be able to call and visit both their mom and dad as the custody schedule permits. Kids may also be afraid of missing out on holiday family gatherings. Be honest with your kids about how these issues will be handled.

    Confusion

    • Kids may see their parents fight but do not usually have enough awareness to understand that the relationship is in trouble. A separation or divorce is a confusing concept to a child who has never experienced life with just one parent. Kids are usually surprised by the decision and will have many questions -- all of which should be answered as simply as possible. Children want to know why a divorce is occurring and what happens next, and you should do what you can to keep the process transparent.

    Problems in Adulthood

    • The emotions that a child experiences because of a divorce are often intense and unmanageable. Many kids repress their grief, fear and anger, only to have it surface later in their lives. These emotional outbursts and trust issues can damage their adult relationships. Children of a divorce often have strict ideas of what constitutes a marriage and will judge potential partners accordingly. Making sure your child has plenty of time to talk about his feelings will help prevent this damage.

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