How to Turn a Bossy Child Into a Leader
Some children are natural born leaders. They know what they want, they know how to get it and they know how to bring everyone else along for the ride. However, the line between being the leader of the pack and simply being bossy is a fine one -- even for adults. If your child's followers seem less than pleased about their position, it's time to work on positive leadership skills with your child while minimizing the more negative aspects of being bossy.
Instructions
Learn the difference between leading and bossing. If you don't understand it, neither will your child. Leaders take charge and make decisions, just like bossy kids, but a leader does so with the consent of his cohorts. A bossy kid might rule the pack by leaving the other kids no choice, but a true leader is concerned about everyone's well-being, not just his own desires. Observe your child's behavior with one other child and with many other children. Decide whether she is truly bossy or just the natural leader of the pack. This may change depending up on the makeup of the group. If there is another bossy kid in the group, you may see negative traits surface more frequently. Consider why your child is acting bossy. She may be worrying more about her own desires than anyone else's, she may feel overwhelmed by the group and is retaliating by taking control, or she may just be unaware of how she is perceived. Parenting points out that kids often pick up on and enact a parent's bossy attitude, so some self-reflection may be in order before you get upset with your child's bossy ways. Explain to your child the negative aspects of her behavior and how it affects her relationships. Gently point out times that her friends have not wanted to play with her or compare how she feels when another child bosses her around. Do not be accusatory, but give concrete examples of her bossy behavior. Don't forget to also ask her for examples of a leader she admires and discuss the differences she can see between bossy behavior and this leader's behavior. Turn a negative into a positive. Once your child has been given examples of her negative behaviors, instruct her on how to change them into positives. If she is in the habit of forcing children to play the game of her choice, encourage her to offer the game as a suggestion and to take turns choosing. If she has trouble letting other kids speak up, have her practice pausing for a few seconds after she makes a suggestion to give others time to speak. Remind her that good leaders have their team on board with the plan, even if they are in charge. Encourage the other children to offer suggestions. Especially if the other children are siblings, have a discussion with the quieter ones about speaking up when they don't like the bossy child's behavior. Standing up for oneself does not require mean behavior to the bossy child but instead can be as simple as asking to take turns instead of just acquiescing to the more forceful kid's demands to avoid a confrontation. If the other children are just friends of your child, sit in on their play sessions and occasionally ask the other kids their thoughts and ideas until you feel certain that your child has turned her bossing skills into leadership skills most of the time.
