Editing & Revising Rules for Children

Toddlers and Preschoolers

• During the toddler years, you likely kept your rules brief and used a discipline style that had a focus on saying brief, but firm, "no's" or putting your little one on time-out. Fitting your rules to a toddler's language and communication skills often means using simple statements such as, "No hitting." As your child moves into the preschool years -- 3 to 5 years old -- you can start editing and refining these basic rules. According to the pediatric professionals at KidsHealth, preschoolers have the developmental ability to understand that breaking the rules has consequences. You must focus on clarity and precision when spelling out each revised rule and its corresponding consequence. For example, instead of simply saying, "No hitting," you might have to edit that statement to say, "You can never hit your brother. If you do, you will loose your DVD time."

Grade School

• Rules for grade-schoolers might stay fairly the same as they were during the preschool years -- with some tweaking. If you already have specific rules that clearly state what you expect and what the consequence is, you don't need to make major changes. For example, telling your first-grader, "You have to clean up your markers after you finish coloring" is similar to what you would say to a 4-year-old. Where you might need to make the most revisions is in creating a corresponding consequence. Avoid unrealistic punishments or threats that don't connect to the rule such as, "If you don't clean up your markers you can never have another cupcake again." Instead, make both the rule and the consequence equal and age-appropriate such as, "If you don't eat your vegetables, you can't have dessert."

Tweens

• Your upper-level grade-schooler or middle school student might think he's mature enough to make his own rules, but the truth is he is still a child and is in need of your guidance. While you might still get to use many of the same rules you did with your child when he was younger, the focus might start to shift to school-related concerns and peer issues such as who he can hang out with, where he can go and how much supervision is necessary. Additionally, your tween might not necessarily need a consequence for breaking a rule in the same way he did in his earlier years. Natural consequences, or consequences that result directly from your child's actions, provide an effective way to discipline your child. Revise some of your rules to let your child take on some of the responsibility for his own actions. For example, instead of saying, "If you don't do your homework, you can't watch TV," just tell him that he has to start his homework within an hour of coming home from school. If he doesn't, he might fail the assignment.

Teens

• While your teen does need to learn how to make her own decisions, she still needs to follow the rules that you issued in her tween years. She still will need to study, do homework and report her whereabouts. Additionally, you might revise this rule to include more grown-up topics such as dating and risk-taking behaviors. The American Academy of Pediatrics, on its Healthy Children website, suggests talking with your teen about issues such as when she can begin one-on-one dating and what a reasonable curfew is. Make a list of rules that detail what ages certain activities are allowed -- such as that she can't date until she is 16 -- and when she must report home to you.