Help for Children That Lie & Steal

Ask most parents what characteristics they hope their children will develop, and honesty will usually appear high on the list. Consequently, parents are concerned when their children develop habits of lying and stealing. What can parents do to help their children behave honestly?

  1. Understand age-appropriate behavior

    • Before you become too upset about your child's lying and stealing, first consider her age. According to Cindee M. Bailey, child development specialist, children under age 7 often have trouble understanding the difference between reality and fantasy, so what you may consider a lie, may just be a story to them. Additionally, these young children are just beginning to develop an understanding of value and possession. Again, they may not deliberately be stealing an item, but instead think they are trading or borrowing it. At this age, parents can gently point out the difference between truth and reality and remind their young children of the importance of honesty.

      Children over age 7 are old enough to understand honesty and right from wrong. If these children are lying and stealing, parents need to take additional action.

    Determing the cause of lying and stealing

    • Your first step in addressing lying and stealing behavior is to figure out why it is occurring. Is your child stealing to impress someone or to fit in with friends? Is your child lying to get out of trouble or to get an undeserved reward? For example, did she tell you she completed her homework so she could watch television? Also consider whether there is perhaps a deeper problem you need to address, such as drug and alcohol abuse, bullying or sexual abuse.

    Addressing lying and stealing behavior

    • The Kansas Children's Service League suggests ways parents can address most lying and stealing behaviors: set a good example, provide consistent discipline, teach respect for others and discuss the importance of honesty and truthfulness. If a child does lie or steal, he should be required to take responsibility for his behavior, apologize and make reparations. For children who lie, you need to make sure the consequence for lying is worse than the consequence for telling the truth. If you have been working with your son on telling the truth and he confesses that he dropped and broke your camera, express your appreciation for his honesty.

      According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, if the lying and stealing behavior continues or if your child shows no remorse for her behavior, you may need to seek professional help from a school counselor, pediatrician or therapist.

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