How to Help Children Cope When a Parent Is Dying

When a child's parent is sick with a terminal illness or is dying from another cause, it can be especially hard to comfort her. And if the child has had no experience with death before, she may not realize exactly what it all means. It is important to approach the topic early and truthfully, and to help the child prepare for the inevitable.

Instructions

    • 1

      Stick to the child's schedule as much as possible, including regularly attending both school and after-school activities. Tell the child's teachers, coaches or the other adults in his life about his parent's situation.

    • 2

      Give children truthful information from start, especially about changes that will affect them. Tailor this information according to the age of the child. You can explain the situation in detail to teenagers and older children, but younger children may need more of a summary of the different steps that the doctors are taking.

    • 3

      Ask children what they understand about the situation. Some children may realize when a parent is getting sicker and sicker, whereas others may seem oblivious. You won't know unless you ask them. Be sure that they understand when treatment isn't working, and be open with them about the fact that the parent will eventually die.

    • 4

      Tell the child that the sickness is nobody's fault. Children, especially those between the ages of 3 and 10, often assume they are responsible for things that happen to other people. A child may feel that something she did or said caused her parent to get sick. Repeat this message often, and before she brings it up herself.

    • 5

      Use artwork and play to help the child express his feelings. This is particularly helpful for younger children who may not be able to express their emotions verbally. Encourage your child to describe his artwork, if he would like to, and discuss the concepts that he brings up.

    • 6

      Visit the dying parent often, if the child desires. Do not force this issue, however. If the child would rather not visit her parent, encourage her to draw and send cards, pictures or other messages. When the end seems near, encourage the child to rethink her decision whether to visit, but prepare her beforehand for how her parent will look.

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