How to Deal with a Clingy Grade-Schooler

When grade-schoolers experience separation anxiety and act clingy, parents may feel stressed and anxious, too. It's not just the actual act of separating that causes the clinging -- it can also be caused by anticipation. Separation anxiety is a somewhat common affliction in children, especially when they must deal with new school challenges, says the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. In addition to clinging, AACAP continues, signs of separation anxiety can include excessive worry, a fear of going to school, nightmares and tantrums. But you don't have to feel powerless -- you can help your grade-schooler overcome her fears and reduce clingy behavior.

Instructions

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      Empathize with your child's struggles, advise Lawrence Robinson, Dr. Jeanne Segal and Melinda Smith, writing on the Help Guide website. Instead of reprimanding her for feeling scared and acting clingy, try to understand her feelings. Put yourself in her shoes and imagine how frightened she might be feeling. Learn as much as you can about separation anxiety from your pediatrician, or by reading information from trusted online resources, like AACAP. Educating yourself can help you develop compassion for her fears.

    • 2

      Avoid pushing your child away -- she'll only tighten her grip, according to a parenting expert writing about child anxiety for Fisher-Price.com. Clinginess is caused by the fear that you won't return for her when she needs you. Let her know that you need to leave, but promise her that you will always return for her. If you tell her you'll pick her up at a specific time, stick to your promise. If you are unable to pick her up, ensure her that another trusted adult -- such as a family member or babysitter -- will be there for her instead. Reinforcing the idea that you won't abandon her by being consistent and keeping your promises may help reduce clingy behavior.

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      Develop a goodbye ritual, suggest Robinson, Segal and Smith. If you act frustrated and order your child to get out of the car when you arrive at school, she'll likely become upset and more clingy. Instead, establish a consistent ritual each time you separate to help ease her fears. This does not need to be elaborate -- you might just get out of the car, give her a hug and wave goodbye as she walks away.

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      Talk about the separation with your child. Let her know that she made it through the last time you needed to separate. According to experts in the school psychiatry program at Massachusetts General Hospital, reassuring your child can help reduce her feelings of anxiety. It may also reduce her need to cling to you when the time comes to separate.

    • 5

      Teach your child how to relax when she feels anxious. Specific techniques, such as deep breathing or visualization, can be helpful for developing a sense of empowerment, helping her feel more in control and reducing the need to cling. Tell her to take several deep breaths while imagining being in her favorite place.

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