My Child Lacks Empathy for Others

Label

• Give names to feelings so your child can communicate about them. M. Sue Bergin of Brigham Young University shares that parents are their child's first teacher when it comes to emotions and how to deal with them. If your child seems upset, take a moment to listen and feel into what emotion they are experiencing. You might say "you seem angry." Label your own feelings with simple terms, such as "I feel disappointed right now." This helps your child relate to what others may be feeling.

Model

• Demonstrate empathy with your child. Empathy shows caring and concern. Children learn what they live. If your child lacks empathy, make it a priority to be empathetic yourself. If your child gets hurt or is feeling bad, notice how you feel. If you feel irritated, you may not be in touch with empathy. Take a deep breath, notice how your child feels and show genuine compassion for his situation. You might say "I notice you are feeling sad. Would you like a hug or would you like to talk about it?" You may find that your child just needs you to listen and that he may be more willing to do the same with others.

Discuss

• Reflect and discuss what you observe when others are upset and encourage your child to do the same. Encourage awareness around feelings through talking about them just as much as you talk about other things in daily life. Ask your child questions about what he notices. How do you think Bobby felt when he fell off of his bike? What did you notice about Sarah after she got her test results? How did Grandma sound on the phone? Talk about what you observe such as, "I noticed Grandpa seemed really angry when he couldn't find his cane."

Discipline

• Consider alternatives to punishing or shaming forms of discipline. Stephen Bavolek of Nurturing Parenting notes that certain child-rearing practices negatively influence a child's ability to be empathetic such as threats and physical punishments, inconsistent responses to a child's emotional needs and the use of bribes for desired behavior. Parenting practices that positively affect empathy include responsive, non-punitive and non-authoritarian behavior toward their children, talking about the effects of behavior on others, showing children how they influence each other and encouraging children to talk about their feelings and problems with parents.

Practice

• Embrace opportunities for your child to develop and practice empathy. The skills that make up the ability to be empathetic take time to develop, especially if a child has had experiences that detract from the development of empathy. Finn O'Hara reports in "Time" magazine that Roots of Empathy, an organization dedicated to developing empathy in children and adults, starts in preschool to help children understand the perspectives of others. Roots of Empathy brings in a loving parent and baby for the children to observe. The children in the class get to watch the parent and baby interact, ask questions and learn how the parent and baby feels during different situations. You can also do this in your home or with a friend who has a baby or small child.