Biggest Causes of Sibling Rivalry

Most people who grew up with a sibling know what sibling rivalry is like, from the screaming matches to the silent treatment. In most cases, sibling rivalry is healthy and normal and tends to subside with age. For parents to be able to help their children get through the rivalry, however, it is helpful to learn about its key causes and factors.

  1. Age Gaps

    • Differences in age between siblings often can lead to sibling rivalry. Older children can become envious of younger children for the special "baby treatment" they receive, and younger children can become envious of older children due to their increased privileges. With sibling rivalry, jealousy is a major component. Siblings are constantly battling each other for responsiveness, praise and the attention of their parents.

    Gender Differences

    • Gender differences also can lead to sibling rivalry. For example, a female sibling might become upset that her male sibling is allowed to partake in more recreational activities with her father, while a male sibling, in turn, might become upset because he feels that everyone "babies" his sister all of the time.

    Individuality

    • In families with more than one child, the atmosphere can become very competitive and tense due to all of the children fighting to define their own individual personalities. Children often aim to separate and distinguish themselves from the rest of their siblings by showcasing their own interests, hobbies and talents.

    Discomfort

    • Siblings are around each other for a large portion of their lives. When they feel any type of discomfort, whether it's exhaustion, hunger or boredom, they might become cranky and lash out at each other. Frustration due to their discomfort and dissatisfaction can often trigger fights with their siblings.

    Comparisons

    • Parents are often responsible for sibling rivalry due to making comparisons between their children. Remarks such as "Your older brother Mark always got excellent grades. Why can't you?" can lead to serious feelings of both jealousy and resentment between children.

    Teasing

    • Teasing between children can start out harmlessly, but it also can lead to seriously hurt feelings and major sibling fights. A lot of big fights between siblings are due to thoughtless yet hurtful comments, such as "You are totally stupid!" or "You're awful at sports."

    Stress

    • Stress is another cause behind sibling rivalry. Big life changes can cause children to feel stress and anxiety. Some examples of life changes include moving to another home, divorce and a newborn baby. These dramatic life changes can bring on a tense atmosphere at home, which then causes children to fight more with each other.

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