How to Discipline Your Teen While Maintaining a Good Relationship
̶0;I hate you!̶1; echoes an angry voice down the stairs. A house-shaking door slam immediately follows. If this scene plays out in your household with regularity, you are probably the parent of a teen. Maintaining a healthy relationship with your hard-to-please teen can be a challenge in and of itself. Trying to do so while still enforcing the house rules can seem downright impossible. Instead of allowing your teen to rule the roost for fear of waking the angry beast that dwells inside her, follow a systematic and consistent discipline procedure to make the daunting juggling act more manageable.
Instructions
Set clear rules. Write out a physical list of household rules and go over them with your teen. By doing so, you can ensure that he understands what is expected of him, making it easier for him to operate within your expectations and making any punishments you may dispense ultimately fairer as you can be sure that he knowingly violated a rule. Explain your reasons for rules when asked. While your teen may not agree with your reasons, she will likely appreciate that you can give a well-justified reason instead of just falling back on the old ̶0;because I said so̶1; line. Just the act of explaining your rational shows your teen that you value her and care that she understands why you have set forth the rules you have. Apply logical consequences. Whenever possible, select a consequence that is related to the infraction. For example, if your teen broke your neighbor's lawn furniture because she was messing around, her consequence could be related to replacing the now-trashed item. Tier your consequences. Never jump right to a heinous consequence, such as a month of grounding. Instead, start small and gradually increase the severity of the consequences you dispense, allowing your teen to see that, with every instance of rule breaking, the consequences will become gradually worse. Enforce your rules consistently. Inconsistent enforcement of rules is both ineffective and unfair. If you don̵7;t stay consistent with the demands you place on your teen, you don̵7;t allow her to fully develop an understanding of what you expect. By staying strong and following your rules to the T, you make it easier for your teen to understand and meet your expectations. Communicate to your teen that while his behavior may be bad, he is a good person. If you allow your frustration over your teen̵7;s misbehavior to lead you to lose your cool and you make the mistake of saying something along the lines of ̶0;Why are you always so bad?̶1; you send the message that your teen in inherently flawed, a message that he will likely internalize. Instead, reword statements of this nature, saying something like, ̶0;What you did was dangerous̶1; or ̶0;Your behavior was inappropriate.̶1; In doing so, you label the action, not the teen, as negative. Reward your teen with added privileges. If your teen proves herself worthy of a little extra leeway, provide it. By moving your teen̵7;s curfew back an hour as a reward for continually making it home on time, for example, you show your teen that you both notice and appreciate this rule-following behavior. Talk to your teen following any confrontations. Teens are notorious for blowing their tops and shouting. If your teen gets embroiled in a fit of likely hormone-aided rage, allow him to cool down, then go talk to him. By visiting your teen and engaging in friendly conversation after an angry outburst, you can show him that you care about him always, despite what he may yell at you when angry. If, on the other hand, you allow your sulky teen to spend the entire evening alone in his room after the feud, you may inadvertently send the message that you aren̵7;t really on his side.
