How to Prevent Teens From Using Derogatory Language
Although disagreement with a parent is a normal part of a teenager's becoming more independent, disrespectful language is neither acceptable, nor should it be tolerated. Teenagers who feel unheard or attacked often become defensive, and these feelings can be the source of their derogatory language, notes the Ask Dr. Sears website. While you likely can't prevent all future occurrences, you can diminish the frequency of this behavior by communicating your no-tolerance policy with regard to derogatory language, enforcing this rule consistently and teaching your teenager more effective communication skills to prevent the problem from escalating further.
Instructions
Keeping Your Cool
Think before you respond to your teenager's derogatory comments. Because teenagers have well-developed verbal skills compared to younger children, their language may be quite offensive. Try not to take what they say personally, and reframe your teenager's derogatory comments as his misguided attempt to assert himself. Stay calm. Although your teenager may talk and look like an adult, remember that you, as the parent, are still in charge. Yelling or calling him names will just escalate an already bad situation, notes Teens Health. Talk to your teenager about his language. State that his speaking to you in a derogatory manner is unacceptable, no matter how strongly he feels about the situation. Explain the consequences you'll impose, such as ending the dialog, and outline specific privileges he'll lose; for example, you will take the car keys for a day if further infractions occur. Have this conversation when you're calm and have thoroughly outlined meaningful consequences, rather than reacting to him as a result of your anger. Enforce the consequence consistently. Teenagers tend to be particularly adept at playing one parent against another, so being on the same page is the best strategy. HealthyChildren.org notes that failure to follow through with established consequences might reinforce negative behaviors. Consistency reduces confusion and models respectful behavior to your teen. Talking Him Down
Tell your teenager that talking to you in a derogatory manner is an ineffective way to communicate, making it less likely he'll be heard or taken seriously. Teenagers have the cognitive skills to reason and discuss abstract concepts, making these dialogs especially important. Share that his derogatory language, such as calling you stupid, conveys a hurtful personal insult, rather than a way to effectively convince others why his viewpoint is valid. Encourage him to use "I" rather than "you" statements when he wants to convey his message in a powerful way. Teach that using "I" statements, such as "I need some time alone in my room," is an effective way of conveying his feelings, thoughts, wants and needs, whereas using "you" statements, such as "You never leave me alone," come across as argumentative and judgmental. Listen to your teenager and teach him to listen to you. Show him you are listening by rephrasing what he's just said. Explain to him that understanding his feelings does not mean he will get his way, but shows you are willing to evaluate his point of view.
