How to Rebuild Trust Between a Teen and a Parent
Telling little white lies may seem harmless at the time, but any type of lie can breach the trust between a parent and a teen. If your household is witness to slamming doors, lies about whereabouts and arguments that never seem to end, it̵7;s time to rebuild the trust between you and your teen. Learning how to communicate and express needs and wants will help build a path toward mutual respect and trust.
Instructions
Discuss and Demonstrate Trust
Talk to your teen about what it means to trust someone and let her offer her definitions and examples to illustrate what she thinks is a trustful parent-child relationship. It̵7;s important that all family members understand the meaning of trust. While your teen may think it̵7;s harmless to lie about finishing her homework, for example, she needs to know that even the tiniest white lie can make you and others doubt and mistrust her. Use open-ended questions to prompt responses. Share your perceptions of trust or distrustful behavior without lecturing. Show your teen how to trust you so that he can learn to gain the trust of others. Model the behavior you want to see from your teen to ensure that she has a clear example of trust. Trust is a two-way street, so if you are breaking promises and omitting the truth, your teen will notice. If your teen observes you telling a white lie, she is more likely to do the same. Make a list of behaviors that will violate trust between you and your teen. Have your teen do the same. Set up a plan to eliminate these behaviors from your lives. For example, your teen may share that she knows when you̵7;re lying or hiding information. Establish mutual trust with your teen. When mutual trust exists between a teen and a parent, it is likely more privileges will be granted to the teen. Discuss the benefits of earning trust with your teenager. For example, explain that if you can trust your teen to complete chores and keep her room clean, then her responsible actions shows that she is mature enough to borrow the car or stay out an hour later on some occasions. Make Amends
Form a clear plan to make amends if a breach of trust occurs between you and your teen. Once you have a clear plan to make amends, you and your teen can learn to trust each other again. For example, if your teen lies about her grades, impose a consequence or loss of privilege. Let your teen know that you will be monitoring her behavior to determine the consequences she will have to face or privileges he will earn. For example, if your teen lies about her grades, let her know that you will be checking her grades with her teachers and after a period of time, you will slowly rely on her to report her grades to you personally. The opportunity to make the situation right teaches your teen a lesson and gives her the opportunity to rebuild trust. Allow your teen to have a say in the consequence. The Center for Parenting Education suggests using consequences that teach rather than punish. Have your teen determine an appropriate and fair consequence of her untruthful behavior.
