What to Do About a Conceited Step-Daughter

Ignore Her Arrogance

• As a stepparent, you can't change your stepdaughter's motives, personality or character flaws, but you can ignore her conceited behavior. By refusing to promote her arrogance and self-centered ways, you prove that you aren't intimidated by her behavior. If she refuses to eat the food you cooked, you can calmly and assertively insist that she either make herself something to eat or go without. If she complains about the undesirable living arrangements or about your poor taste in clothing, ignore her comments and say, "I won't carry on a conversation with you when you talk disrespectfully, so this conversation is over," suggests parenting expert Jan Faull in "Ladies' Home Journal." Then, walk out of the room.

Never Blame Her Parents

• When your stepdaughter selfishly demands money, clothing or food, you might be tempted to blame her arrogance on her biological mother or father. Avoid bringing your spouse or your stepdaughter's other parent into the discussion, even if they are partly to blame. Your stepdaughter will immediately get defensive, and a hot-tempered discussion will likely follow. Tell her that she'll have to talk to your spouse, her parent, about those issues. In a split family, it's best for the biological parent to make most of the disciplinary and parental decisions that pertain to the children, recommends Faull.

Repeat Back What She Says

• Repeat back to your stepdaughter exactly what she says to you, so she can hear her own conceited comments or requests. Use a calm, non-sarcastic voice and politely reiterate her demands. You might say, "What I hear you saying is that you don't want to clean your room because your mom does that for you." You might follow up with, "Well, at my house everyone is responsible for cleaning their own room." Or, you might say, "You don't like tuna casserole because it's too fishy." Follow up with, "What would you like to cook for dinner tonight?"

Reassure Her That You Aren't the Enemy

• Your stepdaughter might act conceited around you because she doesn't like the fact that her parents got divorced. She might see you as a threat or feel like you've stolen the affections of her biological parent. Eldest daughters are especially loyal to their mothers and are often caretakers of their divorced dads, so initial closeness with one is almost impossible, says pioneer therapist on remarried families, Betty Carter, in her book, "Love, Honor and Negotiate." Reassure your stepdaughter that you aren't the enemy and aren't expecting her to bond with you. Let her know that you sincerely love your spouse, her parent, and there's nothing she could do to change that. Once she realizes that her arrogance doesn't affect your relationships, she might relax and act more reasonably.