Christian Ways to Talk to a Pre-Teen

If you are the Christian parent of a pre-teen, some days you might feel ready to turn in your parent card and let someone else deal with your tween. Your pre-teen's desire for more independence, fewer rules and less discipline is natural at this stage, according to Dr. James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family and Family Talk. Talking with your pre-teen from a Christian perspective can benefit both of you.

  1. Set an Example

    • Your pre-teen̵7;s raging hormones could provoke a firestorm that is out of proportion with the discussion at hand, according to Dr. Laura Markham, a mom and clinical psychologist at Columbia University. Demonstrate appropriate behavior by speaking to your pre-teen as a precious child of God. Give her the same respect you want to receive from her by keeping your voice calm and resisting any impulse to call names, speak disrespectfully or behave in an unloving or unchristian manner. Insist that she follow your example, remembering that the fifth commandment directs her to honor her parents.

    Clear Guidelines

    • Your pre-teen is young enough to need clear guidelines, but old enough to make some determinations on his own, according to Dobson. It is not too early to talk about sex, substance abuse, dating and other challenges to his faith as an adolescent. Be clear about what you expect and why. Back it up with Scripture if he insists on knowing why you take a firm stance on these issues. Be equally clear about the consequence of both good and poor behavior, such as more trust and freedom when he follows the rules and more restrictions when he breaks them, suggests Dobson.

    Loosen the Reigns

    • Shock your pre-teen by addressing her desire for more freedom and responsibility by taking the issue head on. Explain to her, ̶0;Now that you are older, we are going to let you make some of your own choices and give you more responsibilities.̶1; Express your unconditional love and your belief in her ability to take up the challenge. Pray with her and ask God to give her wisdom and guidance as she continues to grow into a responsible and capable Christian adult.

    Listen

    • A common complaint from adolescents is that parents do not always listen, according to T. Suzanne Eller, author of ̶0;Real Issues, Real Teens ̵1; What Every Parent Needs to Know.̶1; Take time to listen and make time for your pre-teen, suggests Dr. Dave Currie, former national director of FamilyLife Canada. A conversation is more than words from you -- it includes listening to the other person. Remind your pre-teen that he can come and ask for help, advice or prayer and that he can find wisdom in the Bible about the challenges he will face. Offer to do a Bible study with him on what God expects from him or how to make an impact on the world as a godly adult.

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