How to Win Back Your Teenager

The adolescent years can be a trying period for both teens and parents. As a parent, your job is to provide a safe, secure and emotionally supportive environment throughout each period of your child's life. But fights and major disagreements are inevitable. Sometimes, your relationship with your teen can become rocky because of life issues, such as divorce or remarriage. You may feel like you've lost your teen's trust and respect, or your teen might simply refuse to speak to you. With a bit of patience and hard work, you can win back your teenager and rebuild your relationship.

Instructions

    • 1

      Allow enough time to pass so you can cool off before you decide to address the issue. Learn to tolerate uncomfortable feelings and the tension between you and your teen, advises Debbie Pincus, licensed mental health counselor, in an article for Empowering Parents. Give yourself time to manage your own emotions so you can effectively confront your teen about the situation or circumstances.

    • 2

      Talk to your teen about what happened after you have both had time to cool off and think things through. Don't avoid the issue or pretend nothing is wrong. If you've had a fight or a major disagreement, don't let the situation turn into a stalemate. Even if you she pushes you away or gives you the cold shoulder, don't give up. Be persistent and show her you want to work things out. Approach her and say "We really need to discuss this when you feel ready."

    • 3

      Empathize with your teen. His thoughts, feelings and concerns might be hard to hear, but try to keep an open mind and put yourself in his shoes. If he feels angry, validate his feelings. Use "I" statements to let him know you hear the emotions he is trying to convey. For example, you might say "I hear that you feel angry about Dad and I splitting up," or, "I hear you saying that you're very upset about our fight last week." "I" statements can help you express your views and prevent the discussion from becoming a shouting match, says Nancy Brown, child and adolescent development expert, in an article for the Palo Alto Medical Foundation.

    • 4

      Ask for your teen's forgiveness. If you were wrong, say so. Admitting you've made a mistake can be a humbling experience, but it helps build your teen's self-esteem and sends the message that you're not perfect, reports HealthyChildren.org, a website of the American Academy of Pediatrics.

    • 5

      Avoid holding a grudge, Pincus advises. Once you've discussed the issue, let it go and move forward. If you continue to hold on to negative emotions, you'll only continue to fuel destructive emotions that can impact your attempts to win back your teen.

    • 6

      Demonstrate affection by giving hugs, compliments and praise. If you want to reconnect with your teen, you need to show him you're still in his corner, especially after you've had a major disagreement or falling out.

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