What Does an Insecure Teenage Boy Need?

Teen boys often struggle with insecurity issues because they don't know if they can measure up to expectations. They don't want to disappoint their peers or their parents and often feel that they have little control over circumstances. In some cases, a teen boy struggles with his self-image, feeling that he is too short or too skinny. Other teens feel insecure because they don't receive enough positive affirmation. Parents can help teen boys by making sure they feel loved and accepted at home because the outside world can seem brutal.

  1. Parental Input

    • A teen boy needs to talk to his parents about his concerns, feelings, frustrations and desires, but he tends to bottle up his emotions. In his book, "Real Boys," author and researcher Dr. William Pollack encourages parents to talk to their teen sons while participating in an activity together, such as woodworking, fishing or drawing. A teen boy is more likely to express his emotions or talk about important issues when he is engaged in projects that help him feel comfortable and relaxed.

    Confidence Boosters

    • Many teen boys need confidence boosters to help them feel self-assured and competent. As a parent, you can encourage your teen to participate in sports that fit his athletic abilities or stature. Or, you can pay for guitar lessons; sign him up for art classes; or invest in hobbies, such as rock climbing, watersports, chess or hunting. Your teen boy needs to feel that he's really good at something. Even competitive video games and computer-based academic challenges can help your teenage son excel in areas that increase his self-esteem.

    Rules and Limits

    • It might seem counterintuitive, but an insecure teen boy actually needs rules and limits. Without them, he doesn't have anything to guide or moderate his behavior. Teen boys often feel powerless, so they need to learn that their choices affect what happens to them, says author and family consultant Dr. Steven Stosny on the "Psychology Today" website. Responsible behavior is rewarded with respect and privileges, and irresponsible conduct has consequences. Insecure teen boys need to know in advance what is expected of them and what the consequences are for misbehavior.

    Unconditional Love

    • A teen boy needs assurance that his parents love him, no matter what. Along with unconditional love comes trust. A teen boy needs to know that his parents trust him to make age-appropriate decisions. He learns to trust in himself and develops the ability to solve his own problems, according to teacher Anne Jolly on the U.S. Department of Education website. You might be tempted to bail your insecure teen son out of every difficult situation, but he'll gain more confidence as he problem-solves and makes decisions for himself. Of course, there will be times when he needs to lean on you for support and guidance.

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