How to Cope with Becoming a Stepparent

Becoming a stepparent can be one of the most rewarding yet frightening experiences of your life. When you make the decision to remarry and blend families, you might not have any idea of what to expect. In some situations, stepparents and stepchildren successfully bond and establish positive relationships from the get-go, but many stepfamilies experience difficulties with role establishment, discipline and other issues that -- hopefully -- eventually work out. Although it might feel like you're navigating rocky terrain, you can cope with becoming a stepparent and even start to love your new life and family.

Instructions

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      Accept that you will face certain difficulties. Establish a realistic mindset with the understanding that everyone in your new family needs to undergo a period of adjustment. Remember that you are a stepparent, not a replacement parent, advises Jeannette Lofas, founder of the Stepfamily Foundation and licensed social worker. Your stepchildren might see you as a threat or as someone who is trying to take the place of their biological parent. Don't expect your stepchildren to immediately warm up to you -- although it's possible, many children need time to cope with the addition of a new family member.

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      Allow enough time for relationships to develop and bonds to form, suggests Kids Health. Follow your stepchildren's lead and don't force them to like you. Be yourself and let them see you're only human. Don't try to be a super stepparent -- your stepchildren will be able to tell when you're being insincere or phony.

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      Adopt a sense of humor. According to iMom, a website of the nonprofit Family First organization, humor makes you more approachable and interesting to your stepchildren. You'll inevitably face trying, challenging situations that can make you feel like laughing or crying. Try to see the possibilities for joy and laughter whenever possible. Joke with your stepchildren and watch comedies on television together.

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      Enjoy time together with your partner, time as a family and individual time with each stepchild. Quality time with your partner can help diffuse the stress of being a new stepparent and prevent tension from taking a toll on your relationship. Spending time as a family helps forge new bonds, and spending time with each stepchild on an individual basis may help her feel more comfortable with you and see you as someone who is truly interested in her life.

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      Establish new family traditions, Kids Health suggests. You might propose ideas like a weekly family game night, weekend movie days or preparing meals together on certain evenings. New family traditions allow you to have fun together, which releases stress and helps you feel like a part of the family.

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      Develop a regular stress-management routine. Set aside alone time where you can relax and unwind each day, even if it's just for 10 or 15 minutes. Do something you enjoy to alleviate stress, whether that means indulging in a hot bath, getting a massage, reading a book, talking to friends or exercising.

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      Find a support group for stepparents, advises Stephen F. Duncan, professor at the School of Family Life of Brigham Young University. Support groups help you cope by offering a safe place to share your feelings and concerns and to get advice from others who might be in a similar situation. You can find a group in your area through the National Stepfamily Resource Center. If your community doesn't yet have a support group, start your own by recruiting other stepparents in your area.

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