The Effects of Control Freak Parents

Ideally, parents have a handle on their children to an extent that prevents the children from engaging in inappropriate behaviors. The challenge lies in finding a balance between parental control and child freedom. Unless you feel safe letting go a bit and giving your child more breathing room, you might fall into the trap of burdening your child with the effects of having a control freak parent.

  1. Being a Control Freak Parent

    • Much has been written on parenting styles. Control freak parent, or what psychologists call the authoritarian parent, use a highly controlling style of discipline while also neglecting the emotions of the child to a large extent. Indeed, control-freak parents do gain control over the behavior in which their children engage. It is through strict rule-setting and punishments that these parents find a way to regulate their children̵7;s behavior.

    Restrictions in Parenting

    • The importance of setting limits is one thing the control freak parent understands. Looking at children raised in different styles of households, psychologists find that children raised in families that set clear limits tend to have better self-control than those raised in permissive families. The child who knows what behavior is acceptable and what behavior should be avoided is more likely to train his self-restraint by thinking before acting. John Gottman, developmental psychologist and author of ̶0;Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child,̶1; points out that the mechanism of self-control is actually a function in the vagus nerve of the brain. Just as any other muscle, the vagus nerve can be trained, which means that children who begin their training early are more likely to have a stronger ability for self-control in adulthood. In short, restrictions are important and not the major problem with control freak parents; in fact, they are the advantage.

    Better Restrictions: Limit-Setting

    • Control freak parents might be surprised to learn that strict limit-setting is a good technique. After all, the negative term ̶0;control freak̶1; likely stems from obsessive limit-setting. But the control freak̵7;s limit-setting skills lack an important aspect: clear reasons. One thing control freak parents don̵7;t do is explain their reasoning. They don̵7;t make statements like, ̶0;You can̵7;t watch television before you do your homework because school is more important than entertainment.̶1; Instead, they are more prone to say, ̶0;You can̵7;t watch television before you do your homework because I said so.̶1; Whether you are setting rules for how your children spend their time or how they act in public, you should express your reasoning for these rules. Shutting down an open discourse on why rules are in place will only show your children that rules are arbitrary and have no solid backing, which can lead to developmental problems.

    Developmental Problems of Growing up in a Control Freak Household

    • Independence comes easier to a child when she is allowed to engage in adult discussions and make an impact on final decisions. For many children growing up in an authoritarian household, the end result is to either cast off all rules and become rebellious or to become overly dependent on their parents. To avoid either result, open yourself to communication between you and your child. Start a conversation on why certain rules are in place. Allow some room for compromise, provided your child makes a good argument. Show concern for your child̵7;s concerns, and express your own concern for the consequences of your child̵7;s actions.

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