Allowing Your Child to Fail

The Problem With Failure

• Parents are often more devastated by failure than their child is. Most parents don't relish watching their child fail at something and will do whatever it takes to make their child successful. While this certainly protects your child from disappointment and the feelings of failure, it also does him a disservice. When you make sure your child never fails, he'll never learn how to deal with disappointment. It's completely unrealistic to think that your child will never fail in his entire life, so going to extremes to prevent failure denies him the chance to ever learn how to deal with the accompanying emotions when he fails at a task.

Lessons From Failure

• While failure is never enjoyable, take heart that your child stands to learn a great deal when he does fail. Allowing your child to fail teaches him how to spread his wings and take risks, according to pediatrician Avril P. Beckford, author of "Allow Your Children to Fail If You Want Them to Succeed." When your child is never allowed to fail, he's far more likely to be afraid to try new things. Failure also teaches your child to get back up and try again, which he might not be willing to do if you never let him fail at anything. Failure also teaches your child what works and what doesn't work, which is important as he grows up and tries new and more challenging things, Beckford notes.

Failure and Responsibility

• Allowing your child to fail also teaches him to take responsibility for himself and his actions. When your child fails to take his homework to school, don't swoop in and save him by promptly delivering it to him. All that teaches him is that mom or dad will save the day. What it doesn't teach him is to take responsibility for his own homework by putting it in his backpack before he leaves. Failure will also encourage your child to take the appropriate steps to get himself back on track so he can do better next time, according to the Education Week website.

Additional Considerations

• Your job as a parent is to protect your child, keep him healthy and teach him how to be a responsible, caring adult. Your job isn't to make your child's life a walk in the park, no matter how badly you want that to be true. It's tough watching your child fail, but put your own feelings aside and be there to offer support and encouragement to your child when he does fail. Listen to your child's feelings and work together to come up with ways to improve in the future. Remind your child that failure is a part of life and that you're proud of him for continuing to try even when something is hard. Often, your support is all that's necessary to encourage your child to try again.