How Should Kids Handle Rumors?

Anyone who has ever been a child knows that children can be cruel to each other. Whether their words stem from insecurity, jealousy, revenge or dislike, rumors and gossip can cause a lot of emotional and relational damage. As a parent you understandably want to protect your child from this hurt and teach him not to inflict pain on others through verbal abuse. Therefore, teaching your kids how they should handle rumors includes stopping the rumor chain when they hear it and equipping them with the emotional resilience to weather the storm when they are the topic of gossip.

  1. What Are Rumors?

    • Before your child can handle a rumor, she must first recognize it as a rumor. A rumor is simply an unverified piece of information that gets told and retold, changed and embellished with each telling. The result is often far different from any original truth, as in the children's game of telephone. Spreading misinformation like this is bad enough, but people who gossip up the ante by maliciously spreading distorted, embarrassing or highly personal information about someone as "fact" with the intention of hurting that person. Those who start rumors or spread gossip do not take the truth into consideration to check facts. Instead, they use a fluid and unreliable combination of truth, half-truth and made-up "facts" without regard for learning the complete truth.

    Checking Sources

    • Part of the problem with rumors and gossip is the fact that they are based on unverified information or one person's personal opinion, but are spread as gospel truth. One effective way to handle rumors is to teach your child to stop and ask the person that is telling a wild or alarming story or sharing unflattering information about someone else where she got her information and how she knows it is accurate and truthful. If possible, go straight to the source and ask point-blank for the real story, if there is one. Don't simply accept secondhand reports without checking for the truth first.

    Prioritize Kindness

    • Even if the rumor happens to be factually true, teach your child to consider whether anyone would be embarrassed or hurt to have the fact exposed to public scrutiny and laid bare for teasing. What is kind should always take priority over the urge to spread shocking or embarrassing stories about others. Unless withholding the information from adults could result in someone injuring themselves or others, the best way to handle sensitive information is to respect the other person's privacy and keep it to yourself.

    When It's About You

    • When your child is the subject of a malicious rumor, the mama and papa bear rise up in the parent in protective instinct. While this is understandable, you are better off equipping your child with the emotional skills and confidence to handle adversity. Spend quality time with him and reinforce his confidence in his own skills and talents. Teach him that rumors are a form of bullying stemming from boredom, jealousy or a bid for control or superiority. Therefore, he needn't feel guilty or blame himself for someone else's bad behavior. Tell him it's OK to speak up for himself but that he shouldn't allow himself to get drawn into an argument or respond in kind with unkind rumors in return. But encourage him to confide in you, a reliable friend, sibling, teacher or counselor for encouragement; and tell him that if he ever receives any threatening or intimidating messages online, by email, instant messages or chatrooms, he should notify you immediately so you can help him handle it appropriately.

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