Encouraging Self-Regulating Behavior in Kids

Early Years

• The early childhood years are the best time to begin self-regulation techniques. There will be a time when you tell your toddler, for instance, that it's his bedtime, but he is not yet ready to go to sleep. You firmly repeat that it's time to say goodnight. Then he begins to scream and cry and fall out on the floor, thinking it will change your mind.

  This is an excellent time to assert your parental authority, which in turn will help him gain self-control. As the Brenner Children's Hospital website suggests, assigning him a time-out will teach him that it is best to follow Mom or Dad's directive and to go to bed when it's time whether he feels sleepy or not.

Games

• Certain games are effective for teaching a child self-control. One such game that child expert Dr. Gwen Dewar, Ph.D., recommends is "Red Light, Green Light." When a child hears the words, "Green Light," the child is free to take steps toward the person calling out the phrases. When he hears the words, "Red Light," he is to stop moving until the leader calls out "Green Light" again. When a group of children are playing, the first person to make it to the leader wins the game. You can play a similar game using music. Play some music for a few minutes during which time the child can dance and otherwise move around. Then stop the music, at which point he is to "freeze." Once you start the music again, he may resume his movements.

Improving Attention Span

• Assisting your child in developing what Dewar terms a "good working memory" is also an essential part of helping your child develop self-discipline. Show him a series of flash cards. Let him describe to you the numbers or letters that he sees. Once you're done showing him all the cards, have him write down every number or letter he saw in the sequence that you showed to him. Practice this with him regularly. This will help him strengthen his attention span, enabling him to perform better in school and also helping him to not let his mind wander in class.

Planning Ahead

• Another principle you can help your child to learn is planning ahead. Instill this skill in him during the grade school years. If your child's teacher writes a syllabus for him, ask to see it. Encourage him to read it until he understands it. Then buy him a daily planner and urge him to use it to note when every test or quiz is to take place and when every paper or book report is due. Furthermore, stress the importance of preparing ahead for these important graded assignments.

The Tween/Adolescent Years

• By this time of life, your child should be able to think analytically about his feelings before acting upon them. For instance, if your child is frustrated with a teacher because she has assigned him a poor grade on a paper he thought that he would have done better on because of his hard work, encourage him to "cool off" before addressing the matter privately with his instructor. Advise him to approach her with a respectful attitude and not one that is confrontational, rude or violent. Remind him of the possible consequences of the latter approaches, which may result in suspension, expulsion or even trouble with law enforcement if he turns violent. Warn him that these could affect his ability to enter college, vocational school or the job market.