How to Co-Parent With an Irresponsible Parent
No matter how responsible one parent is, the damage done by an irresponsible co-parent may be detrimental to the family. A parent who puts his own needs and feelings before the child's; or who fails to provide a safe, nurturing and consistent environment; may leave the child feeling unloved, undervalued, defiant or rebellious. In the long run, this puts children at risk for underachievement, emotional problems and delinquency. While every effort should be made to allow a child to have a relationship with both parents, irresponsible parenting cannot be tolerated and action needs to be taken.
Things You'll Need
- Parenting plan
- Calendar
- Journal
- Pen
Instructions
Draw up a detailed parenting plan with your co-parent. According to the California Courts, an organizational database detailing the work and responsibilities of the court system in that state, a parenting plan should outline an agreement on how to handle the child's basic needs, such as medical care, education, sleep, diet, protection, love and guidance. It should also outline details such as a set calendar for shared custody, including holidays and vacations, or for visitation rights if you don't have joint custody. If the courts have already outlined the irresponsible parent's visitation rights in a divorce or custody hearing, abide by that schedule. Discuss important topics together and come to an agreement on things such as an approach to discipline, or in which religion (if any) the child will be raised. Agree on what each parent will be responsible for and on what issues you need to share in the decision making. List expenses, financial responsibilities and who will claim the child on income taxes. Put all the details that concern you into your parenting plan. Include provisions for what happens when a parent fails to live up to the agreement. For example, if the other parent is failing to discipline the child as agreed, you may include required parenting courses as a provision. If she's often late in picking up or dropping off the child, agree that after waiting two hours you are entitled to make other arrangements. Seek the assistance of a mediator if you and your partner in parenting are unable to get along or come to agreements. Writing for "Psychology Today," associate professor and family social worker Dr. Edward Kruk recommends that if there is high conflict between the parents they should seek intervention through a family mediation or parenting coordination program. If the lines of communication are completely broken down, ongoing family counseling may be a good alternative for keeping conflicts to a minimum and nipping them in the bud. File your family plan with the courts as a custody agreement. Once it's been signed by both of you and a judge it gives you legal grounds to protest or take action if the irresponsible parent fails to live up to the agreement. Keep detailed records of your co-parent's irresponsible behavior. Make a note when he's late, fails to pay child support, fails to discipline and does not provide adequate accommodations such as a clean, safe environment and reasonably nutritious meals. Speak to the co-parent immediately when these infractions against your agreement are made, or go back to the mediator with her. Remind her of her obligations to the child and to live up to your agreement. If you feel the irresponsible behavior is not improving over time, seek legal recourse to reconsider custody arrangements, at least until the situation does improve. Take immediate action if an irresponsible parent is a threat to the child. Abuse, neglect or reckless behavior that endangers the child should not be tolerated at all.
