How to Get Your Adult Children to Become Independent

Not only is parenting hard, but it doesn't necessarily end when a child hits 18 years old. Adult children often need guidance; nor is it uncommon to encounter financially dependent adults still residing at their parents' home. The following pointers can help you steer your fully grown child in the direction of independence and self-sufficiency.

Instructions

    • 1

      Establish firm limits. No matter how guilty you may feel, do not allow your child to think that you are always going to be a dependable source of accommodation and financial help for him. Although in your head assisting your child may seem like you are doing something positive, you may in reality just be preventing him from moving forward and making a change, which only hurts him in the end.

    • 2

      Talk about what you are willing to do. If you are 100 percent comfortable with the idea of helping your child for a set length of time, discuss the exact duration and amount of money. If you do not indicate specifics, the situation could quickly get out of hand. For example, if your adult daughter needs you to help her with her utility bills every month, tell her what you can chip in and how long you can do it.

    • 3

      If you allow your child to live with you, steer him toward a path of independence by asking him to contribute toward the household, either through paying rent or utilities. Putting some money toward the home can be a move in the right direction when it comes to getting a taste of life as an independent adult. If your child cannot contribute financially, agree on ways that he can help out around the house, such as by washing the dishes or mowing the lawn.

    • 4

      Stay away from offering career advice. Allow your grown child the opportunity to spread his wings and learn about life on his own. Bite your tongue and refrain from giving him tips on how to live, from his job to his romantic relationships. If you treat him as though he is still a child, it may encourage him to perpetually retain that mindset.

    • 5

      Indicate the difference between presents and loans. If you help your child out financially and expect him to return the money to you once he can, let him know. If the monetary help is a gift, let him know that, as well. Make sure there is no room for confusion or misunderstanding. If your child thinks that something was a present, and you request payment back for it, the situation could result in tension and perhaps even resentment.

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