How to Maintain Boundaries With Grown Children

Parents who love their children may feel that boundaries aren't important in the grand scheme of the relationship. You might want to have a friend-type relationship with your adult child, something you dreamed about since you gave birth. Boundaries are an important part of any relationship, your adult children are no exception. Boundaries keep a relationship healthy and are necessary to avoid issues or problems between you and your adult children.

Instructions

    • 1

      Maintain separate living spaces whenever possible. Help your children in the event of a crisis, however, adult children should have their own home or apartment. Having your own living spaces presents a loss of personal boundaries and space, which can be damaging to your relationship. Remember those fights during the awkward teenage years? You certainly don't want to repeat those, so keep your living areas apart from each other.

    • 2

      Keep your finances separate. Help your adult children in an emergency only. Keep a separate account with emergency funds for your children in case you need to help them. Maintaining separate finances helps adult children learn the value of a dollar and gives them the ability to manage (or mismanage) their own money.

    • 3

      Help with your grandchildren but don't take over the role of parent. Offer to babysit but tell your children to respect your wishes as to when they get home if you aren't keeping the grandchildren overnight. Taking on too much parental responsibility for your grandchildren deprives your own children of learning and growing as parents. It jeopardizes the relationship you have with your adult children and might lead to resentment if your children feel you're overstepping your bounds.

    • 4

      Establish a list of taboo subjects to avoid discussing, such as sex, marriage or money. Discuss these topics only if you and your adult children are comfortable. Adult children may feel judged by their parents when talking about sex, marriage or money issues and probably don't want to hear about their parent's sex life or marriage problems. Best practice is to avoid these subjects most of the time.

    • 5

      Be there for your children when they need an ear to bend or a shoulder to cry on. Supporting your adult children is different than enabling them. Listen to their problems and give advice if asked. Words of encouragement can go a long way to helping your adult children feel better and keeps a healthy boundary in your relationship.

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