How to Set Ground Rules for Adult Children

Over three-quarters of the college students anticipating graduation in 2008 stated that they intended to move back in with their parents. Yet, after two or more years of doing what they please, adult children may need to be reoriented to parental ground rules before they return to the nest. Establishing these rules may be difficult because your children are no longer babies. However, you can set ground rules for them that will make your life, as well as the lives of your adult kids, easier.

Instructions

  1. Decide What You Want

    • 1

      Sit down with your husband, wife or partner and decide what expectations you have in relation to your child's return home. Get a pencil and piece of paper and make a list of those expectations, highlighting the most important ones.

    • 2

      Discuss with others in the house what the feelings are about things like overnight guests, drinking, smoking, friends visiting, parties or other activities that may make one or more people in the home feel uncomfortable. Then make decisions about these issues before you talk to your child.

    • 3

      Determine the type of relationship you now want to have with your adult child. While some parents of older children may still want to be caregivers to their offspring, others might feel that they have finished that job, and that adult children should have to handle their personal business on their own.

    Plan With Your Adult Child

    • 4

      Communicate with your adult child before he moves back in, openly and honestly. Part of this communication includes informing your adult child about things that have changed since he last lived in the house, as well as understanding the new life that you have created for yourself.

    • 5

      Establish how long the live-in arrangement will last. You may need to consider at this point whether she intends to raise money to buy or rent a home, whether or not she will continue in school, or whether she just needs to live with you while she searches for a job.

    • 6

      Determine what the adult child's responsibilities will be around the house, such as cleaning, taking out the garbage or cooking meals.

    • 7

      Decide if the adult child will be paying some, or part of the bills. This is important because if he earns money outside of the home, then he should be responsible in some way for the bills that he is helping to create in the home. Additionally, helping with the bills now will assist in him getting used to paying bills once he is out on his own again.

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