Negative Effects of Too Many Rules on Children
Rules are important to keep your children safe, healthy and organized, but too many rules can be counterproductive. Rules teach children self-control if you take into consideration the age and ability of the children, says the Palo Alto Medical Foundation website. When you establish rules for your family and strive to be as consistent as possible, it can help to instill a sense of safety and security, as well as your values, morals and sense of responsibility.
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Creating Family Rules
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Before creating rules for your family, question what the reasons behind your rules are. Too many rules may be difficult to enforce, lending to confusion and chaos within your home. Sometimes, well-meaning parents have too many rules in an effort to keep their family life easier to manage, yet it backfires because the children and parents become overwhelmed, causing further stress and anxiety. "Rules and Limits," a publication of the University of Pittsburgh office of child development, indicates a general rule of thumb is to set no more than five or six rules for your home from the time your child reaches 4 years of age. Two-year-old children can handle two or three rules such as "no hitting." If possible, involve older children in making the rules and consequences for breaking the rules.
Rebellion
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According to the Palo Alto Medical Foundation website, too many rules and inflexible limits can cause rebellion in children as they approach adolescence and strive to develop their own identity. Your children need to learn how to make decisions, and giving choices to children early on encourages and allows them to have a sense of control over their environment. Giving your preschooler the choice of either an apple or a banana for a snack will help him grow into a teen who is able to make appropriate choices or ask for assistance if needed. According to WebMD, children need to know the rules can bend if a special circumstance arises; that is a life lesson in itself.
Inhibited Autonomy
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A 2008 issue of "Parenting for Moral Growth," quotes Barbara Coloroso, author of "Just Because It's Not Wrong Doesn't Make It Right," as saying that an authoritarian style of parenting can inhibit children from making or learning from their mistakes, thus inhibiting their autonomy. Parents utilizing an authoritarian style generally control their children with an abundance of strict rules that they must blindly adhere to. Generally children respond to these rules through avoidance, aggressiveness or fearfulness. Compliance and obedience occur because the child wants to gain the reward or avoid the punishment, not because he has been taught it is the appropriate way to behave.
Depression
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In her article, "Toxic Parenting," on netplaces.com, a site devoted to parenting children with depression, Rebecca Rutledge, Ph.D., states that excessive rules in the home create a stifling atmosphere, instead of a safe place where children are free to express themselves and make mistakes. Keeping their feelings to themselves can lead to depression. Too much structure can be toxic to your relationship with your children and their healthy emotional development.
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