How to Handle Defiant Boys

Defiant boys can be hard to handle, rebelling verbally, physically and mentally. These children resist punishment, name call, refuse assistance and knowingly break rules. As a parent, evaluate how you run your household and interact with your child to get through to him. Parents are often inconsistent with punishments or make matters worse out of frustration or exhaustion. Follow these steps to recreate a connection and a more respectful relationship with your defiant boy.

Instructions

    • 1

      Identify problem times when your boy is most defiant. Take note if he is defiant when playing with his toys, or when you ask him to finish his dinner or do his homework.

      Assess whether the behavior is isolated or occurs almost all of the time.

    • 2

      Review how you have been handling the situation. Sometimes defiant children frustrate and even infuriate parents who are struggling to get them under control. If you respond in an explosive manner and begin screaming, yelling or yanking things away from the child, you may simply be escalating the situation. Likewise, if you are constantly backing off you may appear weak, losing the child's respect.

    • 3

      Set limits and stick to them. Ask for the child's input so there are no surprises. For instance, let's say you make a rule that homework must be done before your boy can eat dinner in his room with the door closed. This sets a very strict boundary that may make a defiant boy want to rebel against the situation. Discussing rules with a defiant boy can help. Perhaps a discussion with the boy reveals he doesn't mind doing homework before dinner but he would rather do it at the kitchen table with the radio on. Find a boundary you each agree to.

    • 4

      Urge your child to communicate his feelings respectfully. For example, model an acceptable way of asking for something such as "Mom, may I please have the salt?" as opposed to "Hey gimme that!" Once the child knows what is expected, remain calm and only respond to the positive communication. The defiant boy will learn to communicate respectfully in order to potentially get what he wants.

    • 5

      Remain calm during any defiant outbursts. Defiant boys butt heads with their parents because they are struggling to gain some kind of control. If you throw a tantrum and start screaming you are setting a poor example for your child.

    • 6

      Deal punishments quick and consistently. Deliver punishment immediately -- preferably within 10 seconds -- and don't wait for an extended period of time to punish a defiant boy. The punishment should fit the crime and only be escalated when the situation has escalated. For example, remove more toys from the room of a defiant boy when a child refuses to pick up his toys when asked.

    • 7

      Reward positive behavior. It is not enough to merely punish bad or defiant behavior. Boys are often defiant because they are starved for attention, punishments are inconsistent or the parents back down. Remain firm, showing a defiant boy there are others ways of getting what you want. For example, if the child uses polite language without being asked or picks up his toys the first time, acknowledge the situation, offering a reward such as a new toy or positive attention.

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