What Is a Stepmother's Role in Discipline?

Follow house rules

• Keeping house rules firmly in place can prevent either parent from having to use extensive disciplinary measures to redirect the kids. Let Dad explain and reiterate rules to his children to keep them from resenting their stepmother and her new role in their lives. If Dad makes all parameters clear, Stepmom won't feel the need to tell the kids what they should or shouldn't be doing. Fathers should also emphasize that rules are to be followed whether he̵7;s present or not, so kids aren't tempted to take advantage of their stepmother's more relaxed role.

Let Dad discipline

• If disciplinary actions become necessary, it's important that stepmothers step back and allow Dad to handle this in order to prevent the stepchildren from resisting her disciplinary response, which can be counterproductive, according to Dr. Phil in his online article, "What Role Should a Stepparent Play?" Rather than enforce punishments on her own, the stepmother should hold the peace until Dad comes home, then tell him what happened so he can decide how best to handle it.

Remember your role

• Stepmothers should behave more like friends or mentors rather than disciplinarians, according to "Guide to Step-parenting & Blended Families" at HelpGuide.org, a nonprofit resource that provides tips and information for a variety of life issues. Stepmoms should play a relaxed and supportive role rather than assume parenting responsibilities. The Christian Science Monitor reports in "Steps to stepmother success" that when stepmothers carry parenting responsibilities equal to the father's, resentment often arises in both the stepmother and stepchildren. The stepmother resents having additional responsibility without recognition or power, and the children often feel that their stepmother is attempting to come between them and their father. To avoid this dynamic, stepmothers should make sure Dad continues to be the primary caretaker and focus instead on building bonds with and enjoying their stepchildren.

Parent biological children

• Just because stepmothers shouldn't discipline stepchildren doesn't mean they should neglect disciplining biological children. Stepmothers still need to enforce rules with their own kids no matter what. Taking a lax approach when the stepchildren are around, then being strict when they̵7;re gone, sends mixed messages and undermines a biological mother's authority with her own children. Acting as a disciplinarian to biological children sets a respectful and orderly tone for everyone, including stepchildren.