How to Explain a Good Apology to Children

Everyone makes mistakes -- especially kids. Children can be naturally self-centered and act without thinking, which can hurt feelings and cause problems. Learning to apologize is an important skill that all children should understand, but too often it's used as a way to stay out of trouble, rather than a way to atone for inappropriate behavior. Talk to your child about what makes a good apology and then model the behavior yourself to drive the point home.

Instructions

    • 1

      Stop the negative behavior and remove your child from the situation. Trying to get your child to understand an apology while he's still in the heat of an argument, fight or tantrum can only escalate the issue. Instead, go somewhere quiet where you can talk about the behavior and the results face-to-face and in private.

    • 2

      Focus on the feelings behind the negative behavior so your child understands how his specific actions have affected others. "When you took that toy while Mandy was still playing, you made her feel sad," or, "Hearing you yell at me hurts my feelings," helps your child understand that his behavior was wrong and that he needs to apologize.

    • 3

      Suggest ways that your child can make amends for his behavior, which is part of making a solid apology. Try, "I think you should say sorry to Mandy for taking her toy and then see if she wants to play with you," to help your child understand that part of apologizing is taking action to make the situation better.

    • 4

      Levy a consequence along with the apology. It's important that your child understands that saying sorry isn't a "get out of trouble" card he can use anytime. This could lead to him using apologies flippantly as a way to avoid consequences when he knows he's been acting inappropriately, warns the Ask Dr. Sears website. Let him know that you appreciate his apology, but he'll still have a consequence for poor behavior.

    • 5

      Give your child some time alone if he doesn't want to apologize. Never force a child to say that he's sorry -- it could lead to insincere apologies in the future. Instead, let him know that he should take time to cool off until he's ready to say sorry and really mean it.

    • 6

      Model the behavior of proper apologies to your child. He'll understand the importance of sincerely saying sorry if he's on the receiving end of a proper apology himself. If you catch yourself raising your voice, try, "I'm sorry for raising my voice at you. I've had a busy day and I lost my temper. I'm ready to speak nicely now." Your child gets to see a proper apology in action so it becomes a lesson he appreciates more.

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