Helping Children With Competitiveness

Although a competitive personality can motivate your child to do his best, an unhealthful level of competitiveness can lead to stress and unhappiness. Competitive children might lose friends or develop a bad reputation after exhibiting over-the-top victory celebrations or tantrums upon losing, according to child psychologist Steven Richfield writing at HealthyPlace.com. Use strategies to curb your child̵7;s competitive spirit before the drive becomes excessive.

  1. Teach Relaxation

    • If your child becomes so competitive that she feels anxious or angry, encourage her to use relaxation techniques to reduce her stress level. According to a KidsHealth article, teach your child to relax by taking deep breaths, tensing and releasing different muscle groups in her body or visualizing herself in a tranquil setting. If your child continues to feel pressure while playing a sport, for instance, suggest she spend more time on a less stressful activity such as riding bikes with friends or taking an art or dance class.

    Encourage a Positive Outlook

    • Competing against other children to get the best grades or fastest times might heighten the anxiety your child feels about school or extracurricular activities. To reduce this stress, a 2008 article in ̶0;Family Circle̶1; magazine recommends telling your child to focus on improving his own performance rather than worrying about beating other children. Tell your child to work toward a higher grade on his next math test instead of trying to top the smartest child in the class or worrying about getting a perfect score, for instance. KidsHealth also recommends teaching your child to view setbacks as a learning experience rather than dwelling on them in a negative way.

    Discuss Role Models

    • Use role models as examples of good and bad sportsmanship. An article at Education.com, recommends pointing out how bitter rivalries between athletes, celebrities or even politicians have resulted in damaged reputations or ruined careers. Conversely, illustrating the way a superstar athlete graciously handles defeat -- such as NBA players Karl Malone and John Stockton who made the playoffs 18 times, but never won a title, or Olympic ice skater Michelle Kwan who was favored to win a gold medal in 1998 and 2002, but received the silver medal both times -- can show your child the way to move on after a loss and overcome setbacks.

    Watch Your Behavior

    • Ensure that you're not encouraging your child to be overly competitive with your own actions. If your child puts pressure on herself to succeed because it̵7;s her way of earning your approval, KidsHealth suggests reassuring your child that you love her unconditionally regardless of her awards and achievements. In addition, restrain yourself from putting too much weight on victories, criticizing your child or her teammates after a loss or arguing with coaches about their decisions. These actions might increase your child̵7;s competitive streak because she senses that her success is highly important to you. Instead, compliment your child and her teammates -- especially after a loss -- to demonstrate that it̵7;s their effort and not the victory that is the most valuable experience.

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