How Does It Affect Children When Their Parents Ignore Them?

The picture of the perfect parent is often painted as a doting mother or father who lavishes attention on their little darlings. In reality, this is not always necessary, or even always healthy. Ignoring your children occasionally isn't an automatic detriment to their development; however, there are times when ignoring children can go too far and have damaging results.

  1. Promotes Independence

    • Giving your child constant attention is not always the best thing for her. If you constantly act like your whole world revolves around your child, she begins to get the idea that she̵7;s at the center of everyone̵7;s universe. John Rosemond, psychologist and family therapist, advises that children can become addicted to attention, and may even get distressed and desperate when they don̵7;t get it. Ignoring your child once in a while ̵1; when she̵7;s not in distress or in danger -- allows her to learn to do her own thing and be content with herself. Even if a child is already spoiled from too much attention, occasional, intentional ignoring can help decrease unhealthy attention-seeking behaviors.

    Discourages Bad Behaviors

    • Ignoring bad behaviors can sometimes be an effective part of an overall approach to discipline. Behavioral science has taught us that reinforcement helps modify behavior. Positive reinforcement is when we are given attention and feedback for a behavior; this is an excellent way to promote good behavior. Negative reinforcement is the absence of attention and feedback for a behavior. Certain bad behaviors ̵1; such as whining -- are often an attempt at getting attention. When you give a child attention for whining, that̵7;s positive reinforcement. In other words, you've just rewarded the child for whining by giving him exactly what he wanted. By ignoring some bad behaviors, it discourages children from continuing to act out, because there is no reward for the effort. When they realize an attempt is futile, they̵7;ll stop. That doesn't mean all bad behaviors should be completely ignored. There are times when a parent should step in, such as when their child is hitting another child. But not every little negative behavior needs to be met with attention.

    Low Self Image

    • Ignoring a child is not always harmless. Children still need affection, supervision and responsible parents to be there to fulfill their needs. Too much ignoring, or ignoring a child at crucial times when the child has needs, crosses the line. It can make a child feel unworthy of love. The University of Delaware describes uninvolved parents as undemanding and indifferent. Children who are often ignored are more likely to suffer with school problems and are more likely to engage in delinquent behaviors.

    Attachment Disorders

    • Children of uninvolved parents can develop an attachment disorder. When young children know that they can depend on someone to respond when they're cold, hungry or upset they feel secure in this big scary world. When their needs are not met, or at least not met consistently, the resulting insecurity can deter a child̵7;s ability to form attachments, which can pave the way for a host of other problems well into adulthood. The Youth Justice Board reports that children with attachment disorders may have difficulty giving and receiving affection, may behave in ways that are socially inappropriate or destructive and may struggle in relationships with peers. Poor self-esteem, depression, difficulty controlling impulses, substance abuse and criminal behavior are also possible results.

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