What to Do When Your Child Is Accused of Stealing

Investigate

• The most important thing to do is investigate the situation. Ask your child in plain and direct language if the accusation is true. If he denies the accusation, ask him about the reason for the accusation. If he still maintains his innocence and you've found no proof otherwise, your child may be innocent. You may have to talk to the accuser yourself. Explain that you believe your child and ask that person why he's being accused. If that person decides to press charges, you may have to consult a lawyer. If your child admits his guilt, take immediate action to resolve the problem.

The Talk

• Talk to your child and explain why stealing is wrong. Ask her why she did it. Small thefts by children is often motivated by jealousy; they have to learn that stealing is not an acceptable way to get what they want. Your child may not see a connection between stealing small items from a convenience store and larger items. Tell her that the principle is the same. The important thing is to be sure that she knows she's made a mistake.

The Apology

• Your child will have to apologize to the party he has stolen from. Return the stolen item immediately, or agree to pay back the appropriate amount. Make sure that you accompany your child to ensure that he actually goes. Often the embarrassment associated with admitting to theft will deter the child from stealing in the future. Your child should apologize in a straightforward manner and ask how he can help fix the problem. Don't speak for your child; let him do it himself.

The Punishment

• Force your child to pay back the amount stolen. Even if it's just a candy bar, take steps to address the behavior. Consider corrective punishments such as grounding or withholding allowance. Don't physically punish your child; physical punishment often makes children more likely to engage in destructive behavior. If the problem persists, your child may need therapy or counseling.