Strategies to Combat Sibling Rivalry in Split Families

Mediate Without Solving Conflicts

• Sibling rivalry in both single and blended families is often resolved when parents mediate but don't try to control or resolve confrontations. The goal is to encourage your children to work through conflicts on their own. Preschoolers and young elementary children usually need parents to actively solve conflicts, but older children, pre-teens and teenagers should be able to work through disagreements with minor help from parents. As a parent, acknowledge the conflict, describe how you see it and tell the siblings or step-siblings you understand their dilemma, according to BabyCenter.com. Assure the children that you are confident they can come up with a solution, and let them work it out.

Balancing Two Households

• Children often encounter sibling rivalry when parents divorce or separate. One child or teenager might choose to live with mom and the other with dad, causing tension between the two. Siblings might feel insecure and angry if their parents show favoritism. One sibling might resent living under stricter rules or having fewer privileges. The other might despise her new living conditions or miss the family pet. Parents should try to treat all of their children with fairness, love and respect. When possible, spending equal time with mom and dad -- together or separate -- can help siblings work through some of the rivalry.

Encourage Cooperation

• It takes time to get used to rules, responsibilities and new roles in split and blended families. Some children might see step-siblings as intruders or view them as a threat to their current relationship with their biological mother or father. You can help combat sibling rivalry by encouraging cooperative projects, such as cleaning the garage or organizing a recreational room together, according to BabyCenter.com. Giving siblings and step-siblings something constructive to do can help them bond, rather than argue or fight. They likely have different interests or hobbies, so working on household projects is a positive to get them to work together as a team.

Expect Civility, Not Impartiality

• In blended families, it's natural for parents to have closer ties with their biological children. They have lived with them longer, and blood runs deep. Some sibling and step-sibling rivalry can be avoided by establishing household rules that everyone must follow, so there's no purposeful impartiality and all children have the same expectations, according to their ages. However, step-sibling rivalries often ease up when parents and children acknowledge that biological parents will be closer to their own kids, and kids to their own parents, according to clinical psychologist Stephanie Newman on PsychologyToday.com. Children must learn to treat others in the household with respect, but they shouldn't feel forced to love step-parents or step-siblings as they love their biological family members.

Recognize Birth Order

• Children and parents in split and blended families must learn to respect birth order. Acknowledging birth order on both sides of the family often reduces sibling rivalry. Teenagers generally have more freedom than do pre-teens and younger children. For example, an older child or teenager might get to ride shot-gun in the car or have a preferred seat at the dinner table. Older kids might have later curfews or bedtimes than younger children. Being aware of birth order ensures that no one feels like they have lost their position in the family, according to psychotherapist Mary Kelly-Williams on PsychologyToday.com.