Ways to Handle Avoidance Behavior in Children

Avoidance is a normal part of childhood. Surrounded by new experiences and a constant stream of demands, kids sometimes need downtime to simply relax. Constant avoidance, however, can increase your child̵7;s likelihood of developing an anxiety disorder, according to the Mayo Clinic. (See Reference 1) In some cases, avoidance rises to a pathological level. Avoidant personality disorder and pathological demand avoidance syndrome, or PDA, require professional treatment. While a few strategies can help most children curb their avoidant tendencies, always check with your child̵7;s doctor if his behaviors seem extreme or do not respond to home treatments.

  1. Staying Calm

    • Whether your child̵7;s avoidance is caused by a diagnosable disorder or not, it is important for you to stay calm. In an article for Slate.com, past president of the American Psychological Association Alan Kazdin notes that as your frustration level rises, it feeds the child̵7;s defensiveness. (See Reference 2) The situation continues to escalate as you become harsh and your child feels panicky. Take a deep breath, relax and speak to your child calmly.

    Indirect Pressure

    • The Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome Contact Group points out that children with avoidant tendencies do not always respond well to direct pressure. (See Reference 3) Instead, make a game out of facing the situation. Lead with a light introduction such as, ̶0;I wonder how this would work,̶1; or use humor. Consider asking for your child̵7;s help with household chores or other activities rather than issuing orders.

    Providing Opportunities

    • According to KidsHealth.org, children build self-confidence through repeated successes. (See Reference 4) Give your child the chance to shine by setting aside a block of time to work on a new or difficult skill. Hang back and let her practice on her own rather than stepping in to take charge. Small successes give kids the confidence they need to tackle bigger, more complicated goals.

    Praise and Encouragement

    • In general, kids respond well to lots of praise and encouragement, notes KidsHealth.org. (See Reference 4) Ignore failures and praise your child for his efforts, even if the results fall short. For children with pathological avoidance issues, however, the PDA Contact Group points out that too much praise can backfire. (See Reference 3) Some kids respond to praise by vowing not to let the adult win the next time. You know your child best, so experiment to find the optimum level of praise that works for him.

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