What to Do With a Stepchild Who is Jealous

Jealousy is one of the natural emotions that come with being part of a step-family. Nobody joins a step-family automatically prepared for the potential issues, and joys, in dealing with each other. Your stepchild might be jealous because he is afraid of losing his parent̵7;s love to you or because he is still struggling to deal with separation from his other parent. Dealing with this issue requires a joint effort between you and your spouse.

  1. Establish the Cause

    • The first step toward helping a stepchild who is experiencing the painful feeling of jealousy is to discover the root cause. For instance, some children have great difficulty handling a parent giving attention to any other child. A stepchild might be jealous of the time and attention his parent shows the "intruders." Even if he is the only child in your family, your stepchild might also be jealous over the time you spend with his biological parent, especially when it eats into the time they spent together before you joined them.

    Talk To The Child

    • Getting children to recognize they are jealous rather than being in denial can help them cooperate with your efforts to deal with the problem. Get your stepchild to talk about her feelings toward you by cultivating a friendly relationship and paying attention to what he says. You can also ask your spouse to speak to him. Ask leading questions about activities that you suspect bring about jealous feelings. For example, ask him how he feels when you go for a movie with his parent and leave him home. Getting the child to acknowledge and share his feelings toward you allows him to deal with the real issue.

    Discipline

    • Jealousy can result from a desire to possess power and control other people. Instilling proper discipline enables you to provide boundaries for a stepchild. All your efforts will fall on deaf ears if the child does not understand where boundaries begin and end. For example, if your stepchild is jealous of you when you have control of the TV's remote, setting clear television boundaries will help him understand that sometimes you have control of the remote and other times he can choose a show or program, within limits of what you and other parent allow.

    Reassure The Child

    • According to Carefree Parenting, jealousy in a stepchild occurs not because your spouse is paying attention to you, but he is has not paid enough attention to the child. Reassure the child that you love him and respect the place he holds in his parent̵7;s heart. Allow your stepchild time alone with his parent and be supportive of their relationship. For example, suggest they go do a favorite activity together, just the two of them. This also gives you some time to refresh
      and regroup.

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