How to Settle Kid Fights

If your kids are constantly bickering with each other or with friends, teaching them conflict-resolution skills can help put a stop to the fights. However, teaching skills might not work when they're in the middle of a heated argument. To de-escalate the fight without making children think you're taking the side of one over the other, mediator Susie North, in an article for the "Los Angeles Times," suggests getting the whole story before you take action.

Instructions

    • 1

      Separate the children, sitting them on opposite sides of a table, couch or room. Once you've gotten them apart, tell them that fighting is unacceptable, and ask one child at a time to tell you what the conflict is about. Listen to each child, asking the other to remain quiet if he interrupts. Remind him he'll get a turn to talk next, while the other child remains quiet.

    • 2

      Translate the kids' statements into sentences that begin with, "It sounds like you feel," and encourage them to begin their statements with, "I feel." Not only are you validating their feelings, you're encouraging them not to accuse each other or call each other names, and modeling the behavior you'd like to see in the future.

    • 3

      Remind children of the consequences of fighting, and keep the consequences equal for both. For example, you might send both children to their rooms until they calm down, or take away something they both enjoy doing. If the children aren't siblings, but one is playing at the other's house, state that if they can't stop fighting, they or their friend will have to go home.

    • 4

      Ask both children to take a moment to relax without talking. You might have them do some deep breathing or play alone for a while. If the argument is over a toy or other possession, take the item away until they calm down, or flip a coin and allow the child who wins the toss to play with the toy for a set amount of time. When that child's time is up, give the other an equal amount of time.

    • 5

      Praise the children for good behavior. They need to see that not only are there negative consequences for fighting, there are positive consequences for resolving, or walking away from, the fight. According to an article on the subject from the parenting.org site at Boys Town, showing your child you appreciate her efforts encourages her to make similar efforts to resolve disputes in the future.

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