How to Help Children Learn to Solve Conflicts

Teaching your children how to effectively solve conflicts is an important skill that can last a lifetime. Children engage in conflict for many reasons. For example, conflict may occur when children disagree about who won a race in gym class or when other children won't share their toys. When children cannot solve conflicts, their behavior can escalate into physical or verbal aggression or cause serious emotional problems, like intense anger or anxiety. As a parent, you play an important role in teaching and modeling appropriate conflict-resolution skills.

Instructions

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      Explain to your child how to use words, instead of physical actions, to solve conflicts. Children often need an adult mediator to step in during times of conflict, says Ellen Booth Church, childhood education expert, in an article for Scholastic. Encourage your child to seek adult assistance. Tell her to verbalize what happened and explain why she is upset by saying something, for example, like "I am angry because he ignored me."

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      Help your child see that there are two sides to every story. Children are naturally egocentric, so they may initially have difficulty empathizing with another's point of view. According to Developmental Psychologist Myrna B. Shure in an article for Scholastic, children who are good problem-solvers are sensitive to both their own and others' feelings. Encourage your child to develop compassion. For example, you might explain that the boy in school may have ignored him because he was upset that day.

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      Discuss the importance of sharing, taking turns, asking for things nicely, playing fair and apologizing when your child does something wrong. You can help your child avoid conflicts and repair relationships by implementing these basic rules.

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      Teach your child about the ABCD method of conflict resolution, advises special Education Professor Mary Drecktrah and author Amy Wallenfang in an article for "Early Childhood News." "A" means to ask about the problem, "B" means to brainstorm solutions, "C" means to choose a solution and "D" stands for do it. Ask your child what's wrong and help her make a list of possible solutions to the problem. Encourage her to decide on and find ways to implement the best solution.

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      Model effective conflict-resolution skills. Avoid raising your voice, and keep your body movements controlled during times of conflict. Don't flail around the room screaming at your children if they do something wrong. Instead, sit down and explain to them why you are upset and discuss what can be done to rectify the situation.

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